Cant jokes
Why can't dinosaurs clap?
Because they're dead.
Say what you will of pedophiles, but you can't ignore their problem with immature ejaculation.
Why can't orphans play online games? Because they don't have parents to sign them up.
Jill goes home one night with a guy she met at a club. He's tall, super hot, and seems different than most guys she meets. They arrive at his place and head straight to his room. Jill can't help but notice a shelf full of teddy bears. On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle are medium-sized teddy bears, and finally, on the top are large teddy bears, all lined up beside each other.
She begins to think that he is sentimental and sweet, and isn't afraid to show it. Her heart melts and she want to give him the best night of his life. She gives him a blowjob, and lets him really give it to her, and even takes it in the rear! In the morning, she slowly gets dressed, and smiles at him and asks, "How was that?" He nods and says, "Not too fuckin' bad at all. Help yourself to a prize on the second shelf!"
Why can't orphans work at S.C Johnson?
Because it is a family company. đ đ
Memes
Joe mama is so fat, Dora can't explore her.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
Why can't you kill a depressed person?
Because they are already dead inside.
What does a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
They can both smell it, but they canât eat it.
Why can't homosexuals get car insurance?
They've been rear-ended too many times.
Why can't a blonde call 911?
She can't find the 11.
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
Why can't religious women be raped? Because they are taught to never say no!
I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday.
I canât wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
Three blonde sisters die and are told by an angel that in order for them to go to heaven they have to pass all 100 steps. But each step has a joke, each joke gets funnier and funnier. And in order to pass them all, you can't laugh at any joke or else you go to hell. The blonde girls accept the offer.
So the angel begins telling them the jokes. One of the girls laughs at the 3rd step. The second blonde laughs halfway there. Finally, the last blonde was at the 100th step. The angel said, "This is the last step. If you laugh you will go straight to hell with your sisters and if you don't you can pass." The blonde agrees and the angel starts to tell the joke, "What do you ca..." Out of nowhere the blonde starts bursting out laughing. "Why are you laughing? I haven't even finished the joke yet!" The blonde replies, "I just got the first joke!"
Spongebob is yellow, and he can't drive.
Must be Asian.
Stage 4 cancer is like a woman. You canât beat it, but if you do, sheâll probably come back again.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't ever find home.
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out.
The guy sitting next to him canât believe what he just saw. Heâs more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.
The astonished onlooker asks, âHow did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and weâre hundreds of feet above the ground!â
The jumper responds by slurring, âWell, I donât get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.â He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out.
The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.
The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesnât slow down at all. SPLAT!
The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. âYouâre really an a**hole when youâre drunk, Superman.â