Cant jokes
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A bus full of kids.
Little Johnny’s father walks into the bathroom and catches him masturbating. He says, “Son, every time you do that, you kill an innocent baby.”
The next day, his father walks into the bathroom and catches him again. Johnny says, “Bow your head, Dad. Can’t you see we’re having a funeral?”
Student: There are 505 rocks in a car. If 8 fall out, how many are left?
Teacher: There will be 497 rocks left.
Student: Ok!!
Student: How do you put an alligator in a closet?
Teacher: You can't, it won't fit.
Student: No!! Just open the door, put the alligator in, then close the door.
Teacher: Ohhh, now I get it.
Dead people can’t cross the street because they're dead, ha ha!
"911, I just crashed my car. I think it's burning. I can't see. It hurts to breathe."
The most famous line from Shakespeare’s play Julius Caesar is “Et tu, Brute?”
Why can’t he just speak plain English?
What's the difference between a fish and a guitar?
You can tuna guitar, but you can't tuna fish!
What’s yellow and can’t swim? A school bus.
I know this is a really bad poem, but I'll do it anyway 'cause I have nothing else to do.
'Twas so pretty a night, with people all asleep. Everyone's dreaming of that candy apple treat, and a palace. But alas! No, it's all a dream. Even eating ice cream, it's all a dream! Why can't I have this? Why can't I have that? BUT NO! It's just hitting you like a bat. YOU JUST HAVE TO HAVE IT, you say to yourself. All for me, all for me, and et cetera. It goes on and on. But why wish for riches? You're already rich enough. If you have a device, then take my advise, if you were poor you would have spent the money on food, like honey, not something that... OF ALL THINGS IS GOOGLE!
Like I said, it's really bad. :(
I have a big bag of Doritos in the kitchen. It's only for people who are skinny, but the fat people can't have any. All they do is suck it up like a lollipop.
I can’t wait for collage....
5 min later, ight I’m gonna go kill myself.
Why did Dad say no to the pool? Because he can't swim.
To whoever @heil dem anfuhrer is, I hope you know I can’t understand what you’re saying. So next time you get on an American website, please speak English, and I don’t speak whatever European language that is.😊
Why can't orphans be gay?
'Cause they have no one to call "daddy."
Why does the kid in the wheelchair get bullied all the time?
Because he can’t stand up for himself.
Orphans can't find the home page.
Why can't orphans have a girlfriend?
They have no one to call "daddy."
Why can't orphans suck dick?
Because they don't have a stepbro.
What is big, yellow, and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
Why can’t someone say "ur mums gay" to an orphan? Because he doesn’t have a mum.