Cant jokes
So, a man was on a ledge ready to kill himself because he got laid off at work and his girlfriend cheated on him. He was about to jump until he saw from a mountainside a little guy with no arms dancing around. So he thought, "Maybe my life ain't so bad." So he went to the mountainside. "Thank you," he said, "I was gonna jump off a bridge and kill myself until I saw you dancing, even though you have no arms. Dancing?" the armless man said bitterly, "My asshole itches and I can't scratch it."
Why can’t orphans go to a field trip?
Parent signature: _________
Why are English people bad at chess? 'Cause they lost their Queen.
Why can't the US play chess? 'Cause they lost their towers.
I can't believe this!
Pizza is round and it comes in a square box, and you cut it into a triangle.
Why can’t Homer Simpson bring his family into Moe’s Tavern?
Because there’s a bartender in there.
God, people are so sensitive these days. You can't even say, "Paint the wall black," you have to say, "Jamal, could you paint the wall?"
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they have no home to run to.
Why can’t you yell at a kid?
Because the cops are after you.
Why can't Mexicans play Uno? Because they're too busy stealing all the green cards.
What's the difference between a piano and a fish? You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish!
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Most likely because they can't find home.
Why can’t orphans be criminals?
Because they’re not wanted.
An orphan can’t ever play Grand Theft Auto V because he can’t get a wanted level.
Why can't melons get married? Because they cantaloupe.
What happens to a baby when you let it run loose? It can't cause it can't run yet.
Why can orphans never go on field trips?
Because they can’t get a parent signature.
An American bully goes up to an English kid and says, "You're ugly!"
And the English kid says, "Well, wanna know why you can't play Jenga?"
"Why?" says the bully.
"Because you haven't got a tower."
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They have no home to run to.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't hit a home run.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they have no one they can call "daddy."