Cant jokes
It's okay to tell a Stephen Hawking joke if there are stairs in your house he can't get to you. Plus, he shut himself down, so it's all good :)
The only hood I like is pointy and white.
That's why I can't trust people when I don't see their face at night.
Why can't dinosaurs clap?
Because they're dead.
You can't put an orphan on house arrest if there isn't a house to arrest them to.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home plate.
Why can't the toilet paper be cheeky?
It's between cheeks at the moment.
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A bus full of kids.
Why don’t eagles 🦅 like fast food?
Because they can’t catch it!
What is the difference between a school bus and a baseball?
You can throw a baseball, and you can’t throw a school bus.
What time is it when you get home and you can't walk home?
Friend: I have the eye of the tiger.
Me: So what? I have the balls of a gorilla.
Parents: We can't come back to the zoo next week!
Why can’t orphans do homeschool? They don’t have a home to do so.
Why can’t orphans live?
They don’t have parents.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
They don't know what home is.
Little Johnny’s father walks into the bathroom and catches him masturbating. He says, “Son, every time you do that, you kill an innocent baby.”
The next day, his father walks into the bathroom and catches him again. Johnny says, “Bow your head, Dad. Can’t you see we’re having a funeral?”
Student: There are 505 rocks in a car. If 8 fall out, how many are left?
Teacher: There will be 497 rocks left.
Student: Ok!!
Student: How do you put an alligator in a closet?
Teacher: You can't, it won't fit.
Student: No!! Just open the door, put the alligator in, then close the door.
Teacher: Ohhh, now I get it.
Dead people can’t cross the street because they're dead, ha ha!
"911, I just crashed my car. I think it's burning. I can't see. It hurts to breathe."
What’s yellow and can’t swim? A school bus.
The most famous line from Shakespeare’s play Julius Caesar is “Et tu, Brute?”
Why can’t he just speak plain English?