Cant jokes
Even Steph Curry can't hit threes from behind your hairline.
Why can’t an orphan be gay?
They don’t have a closet to hide in.
Why can’t an orphan go to a youth church? Because they need a parent to pick them up.
Why can't a dinosaur clap? Because it's dead.
Why can’t an orphan play baseball?
He doesn’t know where home is.
Why can’t an orphan hit a home run? Because he doesn’t have a home.
1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
2. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon.
3. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”
4. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
5. What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river.
6. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils.
7. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope.
8. How does the ocean say hello? It waves.
9. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
10. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.
11. Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, “mini-soda”).
12. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
13. Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.
14. Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
15. Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball.
16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
17. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.
Why did orphans eat ice cream cones?
Because they can't eat a family pack.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Insomnia.
You'll fit right in along with Depression and anxiety, you can help keep me awake at night because Depression is struggling with that... Well now I can't cry myself to sleep anymore...
Why can't fat kids change a tire?
They would eat the donut.
Why can't Asians have a white baby? Because two wongs don't make a white.
I can’t stand disabled jokes...
Neither can they 😂
John F. Kennedy: "Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head."
Why can't orphans be gay?
They have nobody to call "daddy."
Why do orphans not buy a keyboard? Because they can’t use the home button.
Why do violists smile when they play? Because ignorance is bliss, and they don't know what can't hurt them.
So, a man was on a ledge ready to kill himself because he got laid off at work and his girlfriend cheated on him. He was about to jump until he saw from a mountainside a little guy with no arms dancing around. So he thought, "Maybe my life ain't so bad." So he went to the mountainside. "Thank you," he said, "I was gonna jump off a bridge and kill myself until I saw you dancing, even though you have no arms. Dancing?" the armless man said bitterly, "My asshole itches and I can't scratch it."
Why can’t orphans have an iPhone?
Because they can’t find the home button!
Why does this stingray's wife can't stop babbling?
'Cause she can't watch her mouth.
Your hairline is so far back that I can't even back out of my car.