Q How can you tell the sun is a boy A it rises every morning
Before Marriage Boy:At last, I can hardly wait! Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: No don't even thing about it! Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of course, always! Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: No, why are you asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get! Girl: Will you slap me? Boy: Hell nah, you crazy!! Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yeah girl! Girl: Oh Honeyyyđ After Marriage Now, read that from the bottom to the top.
Can some hot depressed suicidal guh give me his number so we can cry about being depressed and wanting to die...
Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump and Angela Merkel are standing at the shore and are trying to impress each other with the accomplishments of their countries. Putin brags âWe have nuclear submarines which can stay under water for six weeks without having to resurface!â. Trump goes on âSix weeks? Thatâs nothing. I have the best submarines, theyâre underwater fĂźr at least three months!â. Merkel is about to respond, when a giant steel colossus emerges from the sea. A hatch opens, a black uniform appears - âHeil Hitler! We need Diesel.â
Son:mom can i borrow 50$?
Mom:What NO WAY what do you think money grows on trees?
SOn:mom what is money made of
Mom:paper
Son:where does paper come from?
Mom: . . .
How can you tell Donald Trump is old and demented?
He can't distinguish between tanned people and cockroaches!
What did the left butt cheek say to the right butt cheek? "Together we can stop this s**t!"
What do you do if you see someone raping your girlfriend? Help out. There is no way she can fight both of you. Then, find the poor man a lawyer.
A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders. As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"
Other jokes:
1. Why did the ketchup blush? He saw the salad dressing.
2. What did the elephant ask the naked man? How do you breathe out of that thing?
3. How do you make your husband scream during sex? Call him and let him hear it.
4. Why does the mermaid wear seashells? She outgrew her b-shells!
5. How is life like toilet paper? Youâre either on a roll or taking shit from someone.
6. What does one boob say to the other boob? If we donât get support, people will think weâre nuts.
7. Whatâs the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A man will actually search for a golf ball.
8. What did Cinderella do when she arrived at the ball? She gagged.
A man walks into a bar with his pet octopus and proudly claims the animal can play any musical instrument. The bartender pulls out a guitar from behind the bar and gives it to the octopus, which plays an amazing solo. Just then a scotsman walks into the bar with a set of bagpipes. The octopus grabs the instrument and wrestles around with it on the ground, flailing about making a horrible sound. The bartender says "Hey, looks like he can't play that!", and the octopus says, "Play it? As soon as I get it's pajamas off, I'm gonna fuck it!"
Mom, can I please go out and play?
... no answer
Can a match box? No but a tin can.
Whatâs the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
What is long that Paul walker can fit into his mouth. A long black tree.
How many black people does it take to change a lightbulb in the middle of the night?
I don't know, I can never see them
Cindy goes up to her dad and says: "Daddy, can I have $100 for a new dress?" Her dad almost gags and says: "$100! You're only 12, what do you want with such an expensive dress?" Cindy says: "Well daddy, I'll look really pretty in it and I promise to look after it ..." Dad gives in and says: "OK, give me a head-job then". He flops it out and Cindy just get the end in her mouth and goes: "Eeee-yooo - that taste's like shit!" Dad goes: "Well, your brother wanted to borrow the car this afternoon ..."
After getting in the White House, D.Trump gets a letter.... ... from the Iranian president. He opens it and to his surprise there is a paper with a weird looking code on it:
370HSSV 0773H
All confused, Trump contacts the FBI and forwards the letter to them in hope they can figure out the meaning, but they weren't able to. Trump gets angry and sends the letter to both the CIA and NSA, and they also fail to figure out the meaning of the letter.
One of the agents suggest Trump to ask for MI6's help, so he does and few minutes after a British agent sends a fax to his secretary: Tell your president he was holding the letter upside down.
How is being gay like a geology class? You can lick all the rocks you want
Can bees fly higher than Mt.Everest? No? Actually they can. Mt.Everest can't fly.
Whatâs the best thing about Alzheimerâs? You can hide your own Easter Eggâs!!
