Canning jokes
What do you call a blind German? Someone who can't Nazi!
Guy: "Can I tell you a joke?"
Spiderman: "Yes."
Guy: "You only have 11 months on your calendar."
Spiderman: "Why?"
Guy: *holds up knife* "Because I murdered May."
in can re;ate to this its always going through my mind
Why aren't apple chargers called apple juice? Also, how do you throw away trash cans?
I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!
Memes
What part of a vegetable can you not eat?
The wheelchair.
For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?
What is an orphan's favorite game? Sims, so they can make a family to have.
Finally, some social platform where you can talk about Muslims and not get bombed.
Obv, unless you share your residence.
Can anyone answer this riddle? Apparently this is the world's hardest riddle! Good luck 😝
“I turn polar bears white, and I will make you cry. I make guys have to pee, and girls comb their hair. I make celebrities look stupid, and normal people look like celebrities.”
What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
Neither of 'em can see their parents.
What is the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?
A prostitute can wash their crack and resell it.
Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-"
Me: power button.
I can make 9/11 jokes, but every time I do, they crash and burn.
I asked the gym instructor,
"Can you teach me to do the splits?"
"How flexible are you?" he asked.
"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."
What's the worst thing that can happen to schools?
Quiet kids.
Q: How can you tell if a vampire is sick?
A: By how much he's coffin.
What instrument can a skeleton never play?
An organ.
What’s the difference between orphans and blind children?
None. Neither can see their parents.
What does my arm have in common with paper?
They both can be cut.