Canning jokes

Can bees fly higher than Mt. Everest? No? Actually, they can. Mt. Everest can't fly.

What's the best thing about Alzheimer's? You can hide your own Easter eggs!!

Using modern day technology you can produce music with a Tesla coil. I don't know if you heard it, but it is quite shocking and even electrifying. I can't tell if it is metal or techno, but it is more valuable than joules. It really amps up your blood pressure and has you saying watt the whole time. It is way better than current music.

What’s similar between the twin towers and Kobe Bryant?

They both can crash down.

How can you compare a gay prostitute to Pacman?

They both get paid to eat 200 balls!

What's the difference between a boring teacher and a boring book?

You can shut the book up.

How many gay guys can you fit on a barstool? 4... if you turn it upside down.

How can toilet paper decorate your house?

Shit sticks everywhere.

Your mom said, "Can you get to the dick game?"

Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

A patient walked into a psychiatrist's office last week wrapped in nothing but Saran Wrap. The psychiatrist said, "I can clearly see your nuts."

I can go to Walmart and scan my wrists. It'll say "antidepressants." ✨

Did you know I'm a really fast reader?

I can go through a few stories in just a few seconds!

Why do orphans kill people so they can finally be wanted?

What do you call a blind German? Someone who can't Nazi!

What do a blind person and an orphan have in common?

They both cannot see their family.

My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.

I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.

Why do orphans go to church?

Because they can call someone "father."

What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?

"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)

My sis told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry...

So I threw a coconut at her.