Canning jokes

Why is it okay to hit orphans?

It's not like they can tell their parents.

What are two plus sides to being an orphan?

1. All your snacks are family sized.

2. No one can make jokes about your mama.

If her age is on the clock, she can sit on my cock.

I asked my friend how long I can be in the sky. He said if you are emo, then forever.

I am whooping my doge's a$$. If you like, you can free him.

Hey dude, can you spell IHOP?

Sure, man. I. H. O. P.

Wait, you ate my pee!!!

What's something a depressed person can do that a regular person can't?

The depressed person can scan themself.

Your forehead is so big you can smoke a cigar in the rain.

I'm lookin' for some good jokes for the best song award. Can y'all help a fellow out?

Husband: Hey honey, words can’t describe how beautiful you are.

Wife: Aww, thanks.

Husband: But numbers can. 0 out of 10.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They can't find home. 😀😀

I have a fish that can break dance. Only for about 20 seconds, and only once.

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Yo, sis, come here.

Sis: What?

Me: Oh, sorry, you doing school?

Sis: Yup.

Me: Can I go?

Sis: No way, you're going to hug me.

Me: I love you.

Why does Mexico not have an Olympic team?

Because all of them that can jump, swim, and run are already here.

My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children.

If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

What time is it when you get home and you walk, walk home and walk, walk home?

Employer: Can you perform under pressure?

Me: No, but I do a pretty good "Bohemian Rhapsody."

What is a good time for dinner, and what do I do? You can do dinner. Was that it?

What do people that can only use half their face and wankers have in common?

They have both had a few strokes.