Canning jokes

I can go to Walmart and scan my wrists. It'll say "antidepressants." ✨

Your forehead is so big you can smoke a cigar in the rain.

Q: Why can't orphans ever win at Yahtzee?

A: Because they can never seem to get a full house.

Did you hear about the dwarf that had his wallet stolen? Just how low can you get?

Q: Why can you be rude to an orphan?

A: Because who are they gonna tell their parents?

I will never forget my grandfather's last words:

"Can you hold the ladder correctly, damn it!"

I still remember the last thing Gaster said before he kicked the bucket, it was, "Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?" (Sans)

Husband: Hey honey, words can’t describe how beautiful you are.

Wife: Aww, thanks.

Husband: But numbers can. 0 out of 10.

I have a fish that can break dance. Only for about 20 seconds, and only once.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They can't find home. 😀😀

I'm lookin' for some good jokes for the best song award. Can y'all help a fellow out?

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

What is a good time for dinner, and what do I do? You can do dinner. Was that it?

What time is it when you get home and you walk, walk home and walk, walk home?

Employer: Can you perform under pressure?

Me: No, but I do a pretty good "Bohemian Rhapsody."

Why does Mexico not have an Olympic team?

Because all of them that can jump, swim, and run are already here.

Yo, sis, come here.

Sis: What?

Me: Oh, sorry, you doing school?

Sis: Yup.

Me: Can I go?

Sis: No way, you're going to hug me.

Me: I love you.

My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children.

If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

What's the difference between you and a bench?

A bench can hold a family.

Chuck Norris can drown a fish.