Canning jokes
Roses are red, Violets are fine, You can be the six, And I can be the nine.
Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 9/11 victims?
Well, probably the person in front of them.
Why aren't apple chargers called apple juice? Also, how do you throw away trash cans?
Did you know I'm a really fast reader?
I can go through a few stories in just a few seconds!
Why do orphans kill people so they can finally be wanted?
Memes
What do you call a blind German? Someone who can't Nazi!
What do a blind person and an orphan have in common?
They both cannot see their family.
My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.
I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.
Why do orphans go to church?
Because they can call someone "father."
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)
My sis told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry...
So I threw a coconut at her.
What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?
"Thanks for coming."
How is slavery different from Pokémon?
The types you can have.
Guy: "Can I tell you a joke?"
Spiderman: "Yes."
Guy: "You only have 11 months on your calendar."
Spiderman: "Why?"
Guy: *holds up knife* "Because I murdered May."
I asked the gym instructor,
"Can you teach me to do the splits?"
"How flexible are you?" he asked.
"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."
For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?
My homework was to watch as much porn as I can... and tell my teacher the details so he won't get in trouble for watching it during class.
Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-"
Me: power button.
I can make 9/11 jokes, but every time I do, they crash and burn.
What is the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?
A prostitute can wash their crack and resell it.