Canning jokes

What does my arm have in common with paper?

They both can be cut.

Dagger. This is to get your attention, for Dagger Jr. and I. We'd like to speak with you, and possibly Lynx, if we can find a time to all talk.

Bro, your hairline is so far back not even Dora the Explorer can find it!

What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?

"Thanks for coming."

What’s the difference between your sister and a bowling ball?

I can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!

Two Indians are walking beside a river...

One reaches down into the mud and runs it through his fingers.

"The White Man was here."

"How can you tell?"

"We're speaking English, aren’t we?"

Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 9/11 victims?

Well, probably the person in front of them.

Why do orphans go to church?

Because they can call someone "father."

My sis told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry...

So I threw a coconut at her.

My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.

I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.

Can a box match? No, but a tin can.

I brought a new pen that can write underwater. It can also write other words.

Did you know I'm a really fast reader?

I can go through a few stories in just a few seconds!

How is slavery different from Pokémon?

The types you can have.

My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest, telling her we can get married once she makes her way out.

Can two high-femme lesbians go on a date with each other?

Yes, but it will take them forever to get ready.

I was in a library and a black guy came up to me.

"Where's the coloured printer?" he said.

"Mate, it's 2025, you can use any printer you want," I replied.

Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.

But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.

If you had the strength of an ant, you could lift the pyramid of Giza.

(Ants can lift items 20x their weight.)

Why can't an orphan have milk?

His dad didn't come back with the milk.