What do a blind person and an orphan have in common?
They both cannot see their family.
Why do orphans kill people so they can finally be wanted?
I can make 9/11 jokes, but every time I do, they crash and burn.
What is the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?
A prostitute can wash their crack and resell it.
For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?
I asked the gym instructor,
"Can you teach me to do the splits?"
"How flexible are you?" he asked.
"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."
BF: Babe, I have two questions.
GF: Ok, ask!
BF: Where have you been all my life?
GF: Aww, that's so sweet. And the second question?
BF: Can you please go back there?
What part of a vegetable can you not eat?
The wheelchair.
I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!
Why aren't apple chargers called apple juice? Also, how do you throw away trash cans?
What's the worst thing that can happen to schools?
Quiet kids.
Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.
But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.
Why is April the smartest month?
It can never be fooled.
Why can't an orphan have milk?
His dad didn't come back with the milk.
If you had the strength of an ant, you could lift the pyramid of Giza.
(Ants can lift items 20x their weight.)
People say that they can read people's faces; then how come nobody sees me breaking inside?
Why does Hitler wear glasses? Because he can Nazi without them.
The good thing about being gay in school is that you can be the best student and still get all the D's.
What's Technoblade's favorite show and is the only one he can relate to?
Peppa Pig: Peppa Dies!
"You are under arrest for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia!"
"Wait! I can explain everything!"
