What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
How many black people does it take to change a lightbulb in the middle of the night?
I don't know, I can never see them.
Before Marriage Boy: At last, I can hardly wait! Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: No, don't even think about it! Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of course, always! Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: No, why are you asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get! Girl: Will you slap me? Boy: Hell nah, you crazy!! Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yeah girl! Girl: Oh Honeyyy😍
After Marriage Now, read that from the bottom to the top.
Johnny is very attached to his parents. He asks to take a shower with her when she gets in. He looks down and asks, "What's that?" The mother replies, "That's my garage." He looks up and asks, "What are those?" The mother responds, "Those are my headlights."
He then goes and takes a shower with his dad. He looks down, "Daddy, what's that?" The dad replies, "That's my car." He goes to sleep that night and wakes up because of a bad dream. He goes and tells his mother and she says, "You can lay with me." He falls fast asleep then wakes up once more because of falling off the bed. He gets back up and gets under the covers. Then he feels the bed moving. He looks under the covers to investigate and sees them going at it. He then yells, "Mommy, turn on you're headlights, Daddy's parking his car in you're garage!" *THUD*
There was this kid who was going to take a girl to the dance. He had fancy clothes, fancy shoes, etc. Finally, the day of the dance came. He happily drove over to the girl's house. When he got there, he said to her father, "thank you for this moment, have a great night".
At the dance, the girl asks the boy, "can I have some food?" He gladly replies "yes" and walks over to the food trucks, only to see a huge line. So he waits in line for like 30 minutes. He comes back to the girl, and she says, "thank you so much, I really needed something to eat". Then she asks for some sweets and a soda. Again the boy waits in line for about 30-45 minutes. Then he comes back, and she says, "thank you SOOOO much". Then she says she has one more request. The boy, (now clearly agitated) says, "what is it?" She says, can I have some punch? SO the boy walks over to the punch table, but to his surprise, there was no punch line.
How is being gay like a geology class? You can lick all the rocks you want.
What's the best thing about Alzheimer's? You can hide your own Easter eggs!!
A lady walks into a dentist's office, sits on the counter, and spreads her legs. The dentist says, "I think you have the wrong idea." The lady replies, "Last week you gave my husband his false teeth; now you can get them out."
Can bees fly higher than Mt. Everest? No? Actually, they can. Mt. Everest can't fly.
Using modern day technology you can produce music with a Tesla coil. I don't know if you heard it, but it is quite shocking and even electrifying. I can't tell if it is metal or techno, but it is more valuable than joules. It really amps up your blood pressure and has you saying watt the whole time. It is way better than current music.
What’s similar between the twin towers and Kobe Bryant?
They both can crash down.
How can you compare a gay prostitute to Pacman?
They both get paid to eat 200 balls!
What's the difference between a boring teacher and a boring book?
You can shut the book up.
How many gay guys can you fit on a barstool? 4... if you turn it upside down.
How can toilet paper decorate your house?
Shit sticks everywhere.
Q: How can you tell if a vampire is sick?
A: By how much he's coffin.
What instrument can a skeleton never play?
An organ.
I brought a new pen that can write underwater. It can also write other words.
What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?
"Thanks for coming."
They should bring Michael Jackson back from the dead so he can star in the Peter Pan horror movie.
