Candy jokes
One day, I put a lady taffy on my ass.
A B C D E F G.
Gummy bears are chasing me, one is red, one is blue. One is chewing up my shoe. Now I'm running for my life because the red one's got a knife!
Why is black mystery not an Airheads flavor? Because we already know what happened to them. *shot fires*
I don't got free candy. It costs child support.
Q: What was Hitler's least favorite candy?
A: Jujubes.
What’s the difference between candy and an orphan?
Candy is something everybody wants.
What has nut, long, big, and sticky? A Snickers bar.
What is the sun's favorite chocolate bar?
The Milky Way!
Madeline McCann must have been homeless or something, she was sure eager for the free candy.
I know this is a really bad poem, but I'll do it anyway 'cause I have nothing else to do.
'Twas so pretty a night, with people all asleep. Everyone's dreaming of that candy apple treat, and a palace. But alas! No, it's all a dream. Even eating ice cream, it's all a dream! Why can't I have this? Why can't I have that? BUT NO! It's just hitting you like a bat. YOU JUST HAVE TO HAVE IT, you say to yourself. All for me, all for me, and et cetera. It goes on and on. But why wish for riches? You're already rich enough. If you have a device, then take my advise, if you were poor you would have spent the money on food, like honey, not something that... OF ALL THINGS IS GOOGLE!
Like I said, it's really bad. :(
What do orphans be on Halloween?
They be themselves.
Ernie and Burt were camping in the woods, when they woke up Burt asked Ernie "how did you sleep?" Ernie replied with "I slept amazing! I had a great dream that I was in a magic candy world and was sucking the most tastiest lollipop I'd ever tasted in my life."
Burt replied with "Good to hear, I slept amazing too. I had a dream that I was in heaven surrounded by angels, and one of them was giving me a blow job."
What's a pedo's favorite snack?
Sour Patch Kids.
Shut the fuck up, you fat bitch. You always like to roast others, but you can't walk up the stairs without passing out, you fat, stupid bitch. And I caught you breaking into someone's house just to steal a piece of candy, fat-ass bitch.
Your mom's like a candy machine; she pops out for anybody.
What is a paedo's favourite time of year?
Halloween because they get free delivery.
Dino nuggets are kinda hot. Also, I want to fuck the brown M&M.
How long was the owl trick or treating?
Owl night long!
Then: You want free candy?
Now: You want free Wi-Fi?
What's the sun's favorite chocolate? Mars bar.