Candy Jokes

Why do elephants paint their toes red, blue, green, orange, brown, and yellow?

So they can hide in a bag of M&Ms.

Me: Hey, I have candy.

Kid: Right next to me, can I have some?

Me: Some of deez nuts.

Jack took Jill up a hill to have a picnic, but Jack and Jill got drunk. They then Jill unzipped Jack's fly, then said, "You know you want me to."

He said yes, so she took off her dress and bra. Jack took his pants and shirt off too. They both went in the well together and played a game: Jack's candy stick in Jill's candy stick. Next, Jill was sucking Jack's candy stick while Jack licked and sucked her candy stick, then Jill sat on Jack's candy stick while making out.

Every heard of candies? Candies balls fit in your mouth

Why is black mystery not an Airheads flavor? Because we already know what happened to them. *shot fires*

Jamal had 75 candy bars. He ate 65. What does he have now?

Diabetes.

I went to the bathroom and into a stall to see a hole in the wall. It reminded me of "The Lickable Wallpaper" from "Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory." I jokingly started licking. Though, the carrot tasted musky and kinda wrinkly.

What’s the similarity between a penis and a lollipop?

Kids can take both.

Kile: Hey, asshole! I bet you listen to trash 50 Cent! How about you get to quarters, listen to him! My favorite rapper is the best of all! How about you go eat a cracker, you parrot nose, fuck!

Remy: I'm... y-y... YOUR DUMBER THAN ANT! I BET YOUR FAVORITE RAPPER IS A CANDY RAPPER!!

I know this is a really bad poem, but I'll do it anyway 'cause I have nothing else to do.

'Twas so pretty a night, with people all asleep. Everyone's dreaming of that candy apple treat, and a palace. But alas! No, it's all a dream. Even eating ice cream, it's all a dream! Why can't I have this? Why can't I have that? BUT NO! It's just hitting you like a bat. YOU JUST HAVE TO HAVE IT, you say to yourself. All for me, all for me, and et cetera. It goes on and on. But why wish for riches? You're already rich enough. If you have a device, then take my advise, if you were poor you would have spent the money on food, like honey, not something that... OF ALL THINGS IS GOOGLE!

Like I said, it's really bad. :(

What did santa use as a candy cane? Wait wait I said it wrong Ok What did santa use to do his garden....never mind

what can you do if you have a rotton pice of candy

Teacher:here have candy Kid:no I’m too fat Teacher:shut up or I’m gonna fail u *next week* Teacher:ok kids get off the floor and go back to your seats Kid:I’m too fat to get up Teacher:don’t u remember what I said Kid:yep elephants don’t forget

Knock knock who's there Candis. Candis nuts fit in your mouth?

I need to call candy whats candy can bofe if thies balls fit in your mouf

Hey guys, I have a question.

Doesn't everyone's parents tell them don't take candy from strangers? Then what is Halloween?

I hope you have to pull hard on a candy wrapper only for the bag to pop and have the candy fall on the floor.

Shut the fuck up, you fat bitch. You always like to roast others, but you can't walk up the stairs without passing out, you fat, stupid bitch. And I caught you breaking into someone's house just to steal a piece of candy, fat-ass bitch.