Candy jokes

Where's is the candy, sir???

Over there.

(kid steps in van)

I don't see any candy.

Why are the candy's clothes in the studio?

Because it's a wrapper.

Yo mama so ugly that on Halloween she didn't get candy.

Why did lil Timmy drop his lollies?

He was hit by a train.

Hiiiiiiiii, I said, Man, want candy? Me, YESSSSSS! Me, gets kidnaped.

Boy: "Mister, can I get candy?"

Mister: No, you shit head.

Boy: Why? :(

Mister: Because I'm not your dad.

Your mom's like a candy machine; she pops out for anybody.

Your mom is so fat that she thought Eminem is a candy.

Why was the Milky Way remembered...

Because it's... DELICIOUS!

One day Jack and Jill went up a hill. Jack got Jill drunk and horny, then took her to a hotel because Jack wanted to suck and lick her candy stick.

I gave an orphan 5 dollars and I said, "Spend it on a candy bar." I came back 5 minutes later and he didn't have a candy bar. So I look over and I see that he has a piggy bank that has 40 dollars and I said, "Where did you get that?" He said, "For being homeless," and I said, "What are you going to spend it on?" He looked at me and said, "I'm going to pay money for a mother."

Why do elephants paint their toes red, blue, green, orange, brown, and yellow?

So they can hide in a bag of M&Ms.

Me: Hey, I have candy.

Kid: Right next to me, can I have some?

Me: Some of deez nuts.

Jack took Jill up a hill to have a picnic, but Jack and Jill got drunk. They then Jill unzipped Jack's fly, then said, "You know you want me to."

He said yes, so she took off her dress and bra. Jack took his pants and shirt off too. They both went in the well together and played a game: Jack's candy stick in Jill's candy stick. Next, Jill was sucking Jack's candy stick while Jack licked and sucked her candy stick, then Jill sat on Jack's candy stick while making out.

Ever heard of candies? Candies balls fit in your mouth.

Jamal had 75 candy bars. He ate 65. What does he have now?

Diabetes.

Why is black mystery not an Airheads flavor? Because we already know what happened to them. *shot fires*

I went to the bathroom and into a stall to see a hole in the wall. It reminded me of "The Lickable Wallpaper" from "Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory." I jokingly started licking. Though, the carrot tasted musky and kinda wrinkly.

What’s the similarity between a penis and a lollipop?

Kids can take both.

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear.