Candy jokes

What kind of candy do astronauts eat in space?

Mars bars.

So I stayed at home for Halloween when I suddenly hear a knock on my door. I open and I see Penandes! I was confused and asked him why he does not wear a costume, and he said he doesn't need to.

Then I realized that he's a ghost and gave him 3 candies. Enjoy the candies Pruno!

Q: What's a pedophile's favorite type of candy?

A: Loli-pops.

Ernie and Burt were camping in the woods, when they woke up Burt asked Ernie "how did you sleep?" Ernie replied with "I slept amazing! I had a great dream that I was in a magic candy world and was sucking the most tastiest lollipop I'd ever tasted in my life."

Burt replied with "Good to hear, I slept amazing too. I had a dream that I was in heaven surrounded by angels, and one of them was giving me a blow job."

Your forehead looks like the inside of a Malteser.

Well, tell her that Halloween is the best holiday because you can hide Easter eggs under the Christmas tree while eating a big Thanksgiving turkey.

What does the pedophile use for bait? Trix!

What do you call two black lads in gold?

A Twix.

I was walking to the store, and then this boy told me, "I'm an orphan and I have no money." He wanted M\&Ms. I gave him a family-sized bag.

What do Emos say when they trick-or-treat?

"Boo-hoo!"

What's the sun's favorite chocolate? Mars bar.

Do you think Mars prefers Sour Orbiters sweet?

Orbiter: "Or bitter?"

What do you call a toothless bear?

A gummy bear.

A sister told her brother to walk to the store, buy some candy, and watch a movie with her while eating the candy.

But he couldn't walk because he has no legs. He couldn't buy candy because he has no arms. He couldn't watch a movie because he was blind, and he couldn't eat because he has no stomach. Who said he was real?

Pedophile: You dropped your candy.

Girl: Thanks!

Pedophile stares as she slowly bends over to pick up her candy.

Pedophile: It looks a bit dirty, do you wanna come back to my house and get a new one?

Girl: How far is your house?

Pedophile: It's that white one right over there.

Girl: You mean that van next to a dumpster?

Pedophile: Yep, it's that one.

Girl:.... Sure! :P

Audience:.........Dumbass girl.

How do pedophiles get kids to suck their d**k?

They spray paint it like candy 🍬.

Why did the blind kid drop his ice cream? He got run over by his mom.

Dad, I'm hungry.

Hi, hungry, I'm Dad! 👋🍪🍩🍬🌮🍔🍗🍟🍤🍉🍭🍫🍰

Once I heard a joke about chocolate. It wasn't that funny, so I just Snickered.

What did the cancer patient get for Valentine's Day? Candy wigs.