Candy jokes
What’s a kid with Down syndrome's favorite candy... Grunts.
What's the sun's favorite chocolate? Mars bar.
Yo mama so dumb, she tried to put m&m's in alphabetical order.
When you ask your mom for candy but you grab from the wrong drawer…
Friend: Why did you touch me?
Me: That guy in the corner with no hair, glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.
A pedophile brings his eight-year-old daughter to the doctor's office. The doctor asked her if she would like some candy? Her father replies, "Please, no more candy for her. I gave her enough today."
Where are you not allowed to go trick or treating as a ghost?
Harlem, New York.
Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?
Because they have no body to go with.
So my sister was eating Now&Laters, and I continuously heard smacking sounds. So I told her, "Can you stop smacking? It's annoying." Then she said, "I can't, it's a juicy type of candy." So I said, "I can stop the candies from making that sound." Then she said, "How?" So I smacked her. :)
What’s the difference between candy and an orphan?
Candy is something everybody wants.
Dad, I'm hungry.
Hi, hungry, I'm Dad! 👋🍪🍩🍬🌮🍔🍗🍟🍤🍉🍭🍫🍰
Kids are like a box of chocolates, they taste so good and you never know what you are going to get.
What's a pedophile's favorite holiday?
Halloween. Free delivery!
What is a paedo's favourite time of year?
Halloween because they get free delivery.
I hope you have to pull hard on a candy wrapper only for the bag to pop and have the candy fall on the floor.
What do Emos say when they trick-or-treat?
"Boo-hoo!"
What did the cancer patient get for Valentine's Day? Candy wigs.
A B C D E F G.
Gummy bears are chasing me, one is red, one is blue. One is chewing up my shoe. Now I'm running for my life because the red one's got a knife!
Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.
Madeline McCann must have been homeless or something, she was sure eager for the free candy.