Can jokes

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.

What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just WAVED. Can you SEA what I did there? I'm SHORE you did. Why are you so SALTY? Don't be a BEACH.

How do you find a redneck virgin?

Just look for a 4-year-old. They can run faster than her brothers.

I can see your cameltoe, you nasty thot!

Student: Hey! Did you hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?

Teacher: No?

Student: All I can say about it is, "Well, well, well."

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a soda can?

He was lucky it was a soft drink!

Jesus could walk on water, and Chuck Norris can swim through land.

Chuck Norris can make 5 minute frosting in 4 minutes.

How many gay guys can you fit on a bar stool? Four, just flip it over.

What's the difference between a truck full of babies and a truck full of bowling balls?

You can only unload one of them with a pitch fork.

For 15 cents a day, you can feed an African child. They eat spare change, I guess.

"Can I tell you a paper joke?" I said, "But it is pretty terrible."

What do you call a Jedi that can use the force to fly?

A Jedi Flight.

Where can you find the freshest vegetables? A school for the disabled!

"I need help, George Sink," said Jimmy.

"What is it?" said George Sink.

"Can you wash my dishes?" said Jimmy.

What do you call a dog that can do magic?

A Labracadabrador.

Hey, cobalt can't. But tin can ;)

Jesus Christ said my faith can move mountains, so Mohammed said my faith can move skyscrapers.

The teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. "The sky is definitely blue." "Very good Kevin, but the sky can also be blue or black," the teacher replied.

Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him and picked Annie from the back of the room. "The grass is definitely green." "Very good Annie, but it can also be brown." Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally, she called on him. "Mine's more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?" "Why no, Johnny, why would you ask such a question?" She questioned. "Well, if they don't have lumps in them, then I definitely just shit myself."

I still remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket. He said, “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”