Can jokes

A sister went to her brother's room and says,

"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"

"Yes, sis."

"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)

"My pet snake."

"Can I pet it?"

"Yes."

He wakes up in a hospital.

"What happened?"

"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."

"You dummy!"

"Whaaat?"

A disabled man stands up.

A blind man says, "You can stand?"

A deaf man says, "You can see?"

A mute person says, "You can hear?"

The disabled man says, "You can talk!"

Doctor: "What the actual f**k"

Your forehead is so big that babies can use it as a full-sized football pitch!

Teacher: Where is your slip so I can see you can come on this trip?

Orphan: Parent signature: ___________

Hey, can I tell you a pizza joke?

Nah, it's too cheesy.

Helen Keller can use Hodled's words because they are so bad.

Can February march?

No, but April may.

Looking for true love. Must be into fun, likes to go out driving, playing the latest catching game and most importantly, must love kids. (PEADOPHILES MUST APPLY WITH HOW MANY KIDS YOU CAN CARRY!)

One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."

Yo mama is so skinny, she can dodge raindrops.

Can [I] ask your sister how you are going for Christmas? And [to clarify,] I have internet.

Husband: Hey honey, words can’t describe how beautiful you are.

Wife: Aww, thanks.

Husband: But numbers can. 0 out of 10.

My girlfriend was cheating in Uno.

She's not the only one who can play that game.

Superman and Flash were in the living room pounding back a few beers. Flash says to Superman, "I bet you can fly into Wonder Woman's bedroom and get the best pussy of your life." So he does it. When he goes back to Flash, Superman says, "Man, that was great, but my ass kinda burns."

Q: What can turn a fruit into a vegetable?

A: AIDS.

A girl asked, "Can I have some nuts too?"

Boy: "Sure, what ones ;)"

What did the orphan say to the house? Can I live here?

What can happen if you bring a hooker into a stranger's house? He will ask you, "Really, are you nuts?"

How can you tell that a woman is asking for sex? Wait for her to drop a bomb on you.

I tried my best using phone sex online, but the thing about it is the holes cannot fit through.