Call jokes

What do you call a stalker stalking himself? A narcissist.

So, there was a kid named Bobby, and he was writing notes. He asked his mother, who was on a phone call, "what is one plus one?" She said, "I HATE YOU." Then he asked his brother what is 2 + 2, who was watching a Batman movie, said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" Then he asked his dad what is 4 plus 4, who was playing football, said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he asked his sister 8+8, (she was playing with barbies), and she said, "My buns are burning." Then he went to school and told her teacher the first note he wrote down. The teacher sent him to the principal’s office. The principal yelled, "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" Bobby said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" The principal yelled, "HOW MANY SPANKINGS DO YOU WANT?!" Then he said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he walked away from the principal’s office and said, "my buns are burning."

A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street. He thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with, so he called in one of the friends.

The friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." The policeman called in the 2nd friend. The 2nd friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." Confused, the policeman asked, "How is it that when you look into his face you're sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you're sure he is not?"

The 1st friend said, "Well, you see, Joe has 2 assholes." "Are you serious?" the policeman asked. "Oh yes," he replied, "we've never actually seen them, but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, 'Hey, there's Joe with those 2 assholes.'"

What do you call an African American pilot?

A pilot, you racist bastard!

Q: What has two wings and a halo?

A: An Asian phone call, "Wing, Wing, Halo?"

What do you call an ex eating Taco Bell?

Explosion.

what do you call a shadow stalker REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

What do you call being run over by Michael Jackson?

Being hit by... Being struck by... A smooth criminal.

Why can't orphans be gay?

They don't know who to call daddy.

What do you call a frozen communist?

Hammer and popsicle.

What do you call a mouse that doesn't like being known about?

Anonymouse.

what do you call a drunken sailer?

arrested.

What do you call a Russian man with three balls?

'Whodya nikabollokov'

What do you call an orphan with a boner?

Porn.

My grandpa said I was too reliant on technology when he saw me on my phone. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

Disney just released a new film about a poor kid with cancer. It’s called Finding Chemo.

What do you call a deaf animal?

Anything, it can't hear you.

I came home from school one day and told my cat a kid at school said I was an idiot and told me to go kick rocks, so I did, except I kicked him, not the rocks, and I called him the idiot for not moving out of the way.

What do you call a sad coffee?

Despesso.

What do you call a feminist with a rape whistle? Delusional and optimistic.