Call jokes

Q. What do you call a gun that rapes someone?

A. An assault rifle.

Jon said: What do you call a pregnant woman?

Mike said: I don’t know, what?

Jon said: Kinder surprise.

These three men wanted to start a band. One had the idea to call them the Rolling Stones, one wanted to call them the Veggies, the other said, "Let's be the Cripples," as they all rolled away.

Q) What do you call Iron Man when he can't swim?

A) Robert Drowney Jr.

Suicide is the way to get even with the bitch called probability.

What do you call a depressed a cappella group?

Self-Harmony.

What do you call a cow that was hit by an anvil? A flat iron steak.

What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg?

Eileen.

My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me.

The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment.

With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.

A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a coma. After 6 months, she woke up. She asked the doctor, "How's the baby?"

"You had twins," the doctor replied. "Your brother named them."

The woman said, "Oh no, not my brother! What did he call them?"

The doctor said, "He called the girl Denise."

"What about the boy?" the woman asked.

The doctor said, "Denephew."

What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?

An escapea.

What do you call the place where an octopus is sitting?

Octopied.

Why do orphans love having sex?

Because they can finally call somebody "daddy."

What do you call your brother in Alabama? Daddy.

What do you call Mexicans in a band trying to be a white band?

"Juan Direction."

When Stephen Hawking was feeling hungry, he used to call in to his local PC World for a megabyte and some microchips.

I called the Chinese takeaway yesterday. A man picked up the phone and said: "Hello! I am Wan Kin, the chef." I said that I'll come back later.

God: Ok, so I created adults. And I created how they are supposed to look from being born to preteen.

Satan: (slides in) I’ll take over for you, pops.

God: I dunno... this is very delicate work. Just one wrong thing can ruin the system.

Satan: Don’t worry your beard off! (Pats his back) I’ll just do the ages from 12 to 18!

God: Hmm... I’m still not- (Gets a call on his phone) Shoot, I got to take this. (Answers call) Don’t touch anything, Lucifer! (Walks away)

Satan:.......(just touches lightly, and alarms start blaring. He squeaks and runs away)

God: (rushes in) WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!?!

God: (tries fixing problems. Only gets alarms off) Fuck me........

God:....(sighs) Fine, it’ll stay. We’ll just call it....puberty.

What do you call a man who plays Fortnite 24/7?

A: A virgin.

What do you call a cow that's beating his meat? Beef stroganoff!