Call jokes
This homeless lady called me ugly, so I told her, "Okay, then I'm going home."
Why do orphans love having sex?
Because they can finally call somebody "daddy."
A guy is sitting at a bar when a drunk man walks up to him, calling his mom a whore. The guy just ignores it and stays in his spot drinking his beer. An hour goes by and the drunk man comes back saying, "Your mom is a whore!" The guy sitting looks around the bar, sees people staring and says, "Don't worry, everything is cool here," and shrugs it off. After a few more shots, the drunk man walks up a third time and says, "Your mom... is such... a whore!" The guy finally gets mad, throws his fist on the table and says, "You know what? Go home Dad!"
What do you call a skeleton with no friends? Bonely.
What do you call a 3-sum with a girl with AIDS?
Nut in the butt.
What do you call a kid with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
What do you call a Muslim sleepover?
Osamas in Pajamas.
What do you call emos that live in the Bahamas?
Tropical depressions.
What do you call dynamite on steroids? - High Explosive.
Why do some men call their testicles "bells"? Because it's next to their "ding-dong."
A little girl being Girl: "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."
Priest: "What did you do, child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes, Father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl: "Yes, Father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, Father."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes, Father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "But, Father, he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"
What's the difference between calling someone dad or daddy? How you come from his balls.
My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me.
The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment.
With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.
What do you call it when Hitler puts retards in the oven? Baked potatoes.
Q. What do you call a gun that rapes someone?
A. An assault rifle.
What do you call Mexicans in a band trying to be a white band?
"Juan Direction."
When the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill?
"One, he killed himself."
What do you call a cow that was hit by an anvil? A flat iron steak.
What do you call a whore with a runny nose?
...Full!
These three men wanted to start a band. One had the idea to call them the Rolling Stones, one wanted to call them the Veggies, the other said, "Let's be the Cripples," as they all rolled away.