Call jokes
What do you call a cow that was hit by an anvil? A flat iron steak.
What do you call a Chinese person with no legs?
Lim Ping.
If a heterosexual man gets anonymous oral sex from another heterosexual man at a glory hole, it's called a "brojob", but if a homophobic heterosexual man gets anonymous oral sex from a gay man at a glory hole, it's still called a "brojob". Does it cycle now?
What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?
An escapea.
What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg?
Eileen.
When Stephen Hawking was feeling hungry, he used to call in to his local PC World for a megabyte and some microchips.
What do you call a dead pine tree? A Nevergreen!
Why can't a blonde call 911?
She can't find the 11.
Me: Calls 9-1-1.
Operator: 9/11, what’s your emergency?
Me: *hangs up*
What do you call the place where an octopus is sitting?
Octopied.
What do you call your brother in Alabama? Daddy.
God: Ok, so I created adults. And I created how they are supposed to look from being born to preteen.
Satan: (slides in) I’ll take over for you, pops.
God: I dunno... this is very delicate work. Just one wrong thing can ruin the system.
Satan: Don’t worry your beard off! (Pats his back) I’ll just do the ages from 12 to 18!
God: Hmm... I’m still not- (Gets a call on his phone) Shoot, I got to take this. (Answers call) Don’t touch anything, Lucifer! (Walks away)
Satan:.......(just touches lightly, and alarms start blaring. He squeaks and runs away)
God: (rushes in) WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!?!
God: (tries fixing problems. Only gets alarms off) Fuck me........
God:....(sighs) Fine, it’ll stay. We’ll just call it....puberty.
My principal called my mom at school and said, "You should teach your son well." After coming back home, at first she taught me sex!
I hit a ball with a bat, it was called animal abuse.
My sister asked me what is dark humor. I asked what does a cannibal call a pregnant woman? "Kinder Surprise!"
What do you call a vegan slut?
A garden ho!
What do you call a cow that's beating his meat? Beef stroganoff!
What do you call terrible milk?
Udder Bullshit.
What do you call an idiotic cow?
A mis-steak!
What do you call a Chinese man in the heat?
Boi Ling.