Call jokes
What do you call a gay threesome?
A Sloppy Joe.
When Stephen Hawking was feeling hungry, he used to call in to his local PC World for a megabyte and some microchips.
Why can't a blonde call 911?
She can't find the 11.
What do you call a dead pine tree? A Nevergreen!
Me: Calls 9-1-1.
Operator: 9/11, what’s your emergency?
Me: *hangs up*
I called the Chinese takeaway yesterday. A man picked up the phone and said: "Hello! I am Wan Kin, the chef." I said that I'll come back later.
What do you call the place where an octopus is sitting?
Octopied.
What do you call your brother in Alabama? Daddy.
God: Ok, so I created adults. And I created how they are supposed to look from being born to preteen.
Satan: (slides in) I’ll take over for you, pops.
God: I dunno... this is very delicate work. Just one wrong thing can ruin the system.
Satan: Don’t worry your beard off! (Pats his back) I’ll just do the ages from 12 to 18!
God: Hmm... I’m still not- (Gets a call on his phone) Shoot, I got to take this. (Answers call) Don’t touch anything, Lucifer! (Walks away)
Satan:.......(just touches lightly, and alarms start blaring. He squeaks and runs away)
God: (rushes in) WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!?!
God: (tries fixing problems. Only gets alarms off) Fuck me........
God:....(sighs) Fine, it’ll stay. We’ll just call it....puberty.
I hit a ball with a bat, it was called animal abuse.
What do you call a vegan slut?
A garden ho!
My sister asked me what is dark humor. I asked what does a cannibal call a pregnant woman? "Kinder Surprise!"
What do you call a cow that's beating his meat? Beef stroganoff!
My principal called my mom at school and said, "You should teach your son well." After coming back home, at first she taught me sex!
What do you call terrible milk?
Udder Bullshit.
What do you call an idiotic cow?
A mis-steak!
What do you call a sheep on steroids? A woolly mammoth.
Q: What do you call it when four Mexicans drown in quicksand?
A: Cuatro Cinco.
What do you call a Chinese man in the heat?
Boi Ling.
What do you call a fish with no eye?
Fsh.