Call jokes
What do you call a guy at your doorstep with no arms and no legs?
Matt!
In 2021, we won't need an April Fool's prank. Just think of Joe Biden and call it a day.
Why did the Octopus go down the toilet?
Because he had a toilet call in the drain.
Why didn't Donald Trump pick up his phone when Jeffrey Epstein called him?
Because Donald killed Jeffrey Epstein in prison to hide the evidence.
My uncle is a computer genius! The police even called him a PDF file!
2001 called... they hit the Pentagon.
What do you call a herd of winning cows?
A topside.
What do you call a virgin kid locked in a room with a pedophile? Past tense.
The teacher asked the class what sound does a cow make? "Mooo," said Sally. "Good job," said the teacher. "What sound does a sheep make?" "Baa," said Jack. "Good, now what sound does a pig make?" Little Johnny raised his hand really high in the sky. The teacher called on him. He said, "The pig says, 'Get on the ground and put your hands on your head, you black motherfucker.'"
What do you call a batter in a hot air balloon?
What do you call a woman with three boobs? Tres leches.
What do you call the White House when a woman becomes President? A stable.
Me: I call my girl Cinderella.
Friend: Why?
Me: Because she loves balls.
Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me, April, who created the universe?” When April didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. “GOD ALMIGHTY!” shouted April and the teacher said, “Very good,” and April fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked April, “Who is our Lord and Savior?” But, April didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. “JESUS CHRIST!” shouted April and the teacher said, “very good,” and April fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked April a third question. “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?” And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, “IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!” The Teacher fainted.
Teacher: *calls you up to the board*. You: Ok. *Gets intense boner* *has to fart really bad* You: F***!!!!!!!
Kid to daddy: "Why do they call it Uranus?"
Daddy to kid: "Cause, son, it's Uranus."
How do you call a very long terrorist?
9/11.
What do you call a pool full of white people?
Kix.
What do you call a blowjob from a girl who has autism?
Special head.
How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?
Call and tell her about it.