Call jokes
When I called the suicidal hotline in Iraq, they asked if I could drive the car.
My father touched me yesterday. I called him a priest.
What do you call a person with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, you told them twice.
What do you call a Chinese boy throwing poo?
Yung Flung Dung.
What do you call an injured person who doesn't want to play a game with you? A sore loser.
Memes
Why can’t orphans have sex?
They have no one to call "daddy."
What do you call male mermaids?
Mer-butlers!
Kid: Licks money.
Mom: Hey, don’t lick the money. It is dirty.
Kid: Is that why they call people filthy rich?
Why do they call them apartments when they are together?
What do you call a stoner when horny?
A weed whacker!
What do you call a skeleton's omelet?
A bonelet.
What do you call a flying skunk?
A smelicopter.
What do you call a short person that goes to school?
A Sammie.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese. Okay, I can't do this anymore.
What do you call a farting boxer?
Gaseous Clay.
I'm 43 and my date is 19. A man rudely comes up to our table and calls me a pedophile. I told him to fuck off, this is our 10th anniversary.
What do you call a child version of Batman?
The Raped Crusader.
What would a Down syndrome Ben 10 alien be called?
Chromostone.
What do you call two natives in a sleeping bag?
Twix.
Husband: Honey, do you want sex?
Wife: No, thanks, I have a headache.
Husband: Is that your final answer?
Wife: Mmmmm.
Husband: Are you sure?
Wife: Yes.
Husband: No doubts?
Wife: No.
Husband staring a long time at his wife.
Husband: Okay, I wanna use my lifeline to call a friend.