Call Jokes

One day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. She picks it up.

"Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby?"

Sally says, "No, she's upstairs with Uncle John."

"Uncle John? I don't know an Uncle John."

"No, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy."

"No, I'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family."

"Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally.

"Ummm, no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now."

"Okay daddy!"

*long pause*

"Okay daddy! I did it!"

"Great job Sally! What did she say?"

"Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. She's now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."

Then dad replies "Swimming pool? We don't have a... is this 468-1843?"

What do you call a redneck on fire?

A fire cracker.

Y'know that foundation called "Autism Speaks"? No, it screeches.

What do you call Trump with no spray tan on his hair?

Your next door grumpy old neighbor.

What do you call a chicken that catches ghosts? A poultrygeist.

So Paul Walker made a rap cover. It is called "Straight Out of Windshield."

I was in a terrorist a famous terrorist group. No, not the Taliban. We called ourselves the Talabam.

A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?”

He responded with, “The cat is dead.”

She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you have broken the news slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor thing's dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?”

“She’s playing on the roof.”

What do you call a funny cow?

A cowmedian.

When Stephen Hawking falls, who does he call, the ambulance or the technician?

what do you call a chicken who crossed the road?........suicidal.

What do you call a Mexican in the zombie apocalypse?

Answer: "Sweet and spicy chicken."

*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."

Person 2: "Probably Bullets."

Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"

Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."

Person 1: "...."

Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."

What do you call it when you get away with masturbating in the shower?

You got off clean.

What do you call a bear without an ear?

B.

What do you call a cow with no legs? (Ground Beef!) No, a cow! The absence of legs does not change the fact that the species is still a cow!

What do you call a DOG with no legs? (A dog?) It doesn't matter what you call it, as it's never going to come.

I knew a girl called Melissa, but she was a tranny, and he could suck his own dick.

What do you call a fat bitch that eats cum from used condoms? Your mom!

What do you call a stalker stalking himself? A narcissist.

What do you call a depressed emo? Dead.