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Call jokes

Adopted kid:

Hey, Alex, what are you doing?

Alex:

Nothing, just playing my game. Anyways, you know you can call me "dad."

Adopted kid:

OK, dad Alex.

Alex:

Oh, come on! My game! I’m winning. Let’s go!

Adopted kid:

I’m so glad I have a mom.

Me: Help, I'm stuck in a trap.

Friend: What kind?

Me: It's called life. Yeah, I've been trying to get out of it for six years now, it just won't let me go.

Friend: That's not funny..

Me: Yeah? Nor is wanting to die, yet I'm still over here laughing every time I try to.

Friend: I'm calling your mom.

Me: She knows.

Friend: What's she doing to help, then?

Me: She's supposed to help?

Friend: Have you told your dad?

Me: I will when he comes back.

Friend: Where is he?

Me: I don't know, he's been gone for 15 years.

Friend: ....

Me: What?

Friend: Why?

Me: Why what?

Friend: Why would you joke like that?

Me: I was joking..

Friend: I know.

Me: Oh. I didn't know.

Friend:...

Me: Have a nice day, I'll see you tomorrow... Maybe...

What do you call a night guard at the glory hole inside a adult bookstore?

Guardian of the confessional booth.

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    • What do you call two Michael J. Fox's standing next to each other?

    Parallel Parkinson's.

    My wife called me ugly, and then when she found out how much money I actually make, she called me ugly and broke.

    One day, a child walks along and asks, "Mother, why am I called Butterfly?"

    The mother replies, "A butterfly landed on you as a baby."

    A minute later, another child comes along and says, "Mother, why am I called Feather?"

    The mother then replied, "Because a feather fell on your head when you were born."

    Then Brick comes along and says, "Ahahhsdjsjskxs."

    Friend 1: What's your favorite drink or food?

    Friend 2: Pizza.

    Friend 3: Donuts.

    Friend 4: I don't eat food but I do drink bleach.

    Friend 1: (calling the suicide hotline)

    Friend 2: (Calling the parents)

    Teacher: We have a new student today class, come introduce yourself.

    Student: My name is Buttitches.

    Teacher: Please tell us your real name.

    Student: Buttitches.

    Teacher: I’m calling the police.

    Police: Son, please tell me your real name or I’m going to shoot you.

    Student: Buttitches.

    Police: *shoots gun.*

    A few days later, the police go to the funeral and sits behind the mom. While crying, the mom says, "My Buttitches!" The police say, "We’ll scratch it, lady."

    Cesar: What was that good salad called?

    Servant: Ceaser, Cesar.

    Cesar: Okay, what's going to be the weather like?

    Servant: Hail, Cesar.

    Cesar: Yes, I know "Hail Cesar," but I need to know what the weather's like!

    Servant: Well, it's hail, Cesar.

    Cesar: AHHHHH! Send him to the DUNGEONS! NOW!