Call jokes

Why did the people in 9/11 not call 911? Because it would call the pilots.

What do you call a girl above age 16 who says she is a virgin? A liar.

What do you call a duck that can fix anything? Duck tape.

I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!

So the teacher goes up to you and says, "I'm going to call your parents." Me: "Good luck finding them."

If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?

An American.

I had a huge crush on this girl when I was eight. One recess we met together on the playground, and she brought me to the corner of the playground. That was my first kiss, and from there it got serious. I told my parents a week later and they freaked out, called the police, and they arrested my crush. I miss Mrs. Johnson.

A guy walks into a restaurant and orders turtle soup. The waiter hollers, "One turtle soup!"

A moment later, the guy calls the waiter over and says, "I’ve changed my mind, I would like pea soup." The waiter hollers, "Hold the turtle, and make it pea!"

What do you call an orphan family photo?

A selfie.

I saw a dwarf and said, "He costs 2 elixir!"

He called the cops.

In Ukraine, there was a massive wake-up call by Russia. But for some, the results were the opposite.

What do you call an emo kid standing outside the mall?

Anything, he'll cry no matter what you say.

Hey any riding with Biden fans out there?

I ran out of gas and could really use a ride so if one of ya'll can call me and pick me up that'd be great and I can't get gas because I only have 20 bucks which is like 1-5 and a half, help me please.

What do you call a flat-chested emo girl?

A cutting board.

You call it suicide. I call it a failed parkour attempt.

Imagine getting a call and it says, "Welcome to David's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may we help you?"

When someone got the ghost in them, sound in the Priest Busters.

When something strange and it ain't no who you gonna call? Priest Busters.

You call him the holy cross. I call it the rejected Smash character.

You call it death. I call it peace and quiet.

What you breathe in is called oxygen, otherwise known as, "African food".