But jokes

I saw a man sitting on the ledge of a bridge the other day, and asked him what was wrong. He responded with nobody loves me, so i told him that may be true but you dont wanna kill yourself you want to die of old age, or at least be murdered, suicide is for the weak. he responded with your right so I pushed him over the bridge, and he died of murder

I have 206 bones in my body, but when I look at you, I have 207.

I'm like a broken refrigerator, cool but broken inside.

Today in math class we had to do an activity where we had to flip coins. The teacher said that we had to flip some coins, remove all of the heads, count them, and put the rest of the coins back in the cup and repeat until we had no coins left. I’m not sure what we were supposed to get out of that activity, but I got 15 dead bodies.

To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run.

I bet my friend $5 that he would die drowning.

A depressing but satisfying victory.

When you die, people cry and wish you to come back.

But when you do, people scream and run away.

I almost got caught watching porn. My mom got the bill for the account, but luckily dad had my back. I mean, we do use the same account.

A boy walks up to a girl and says, "I would tell you a joke about my dick, but it's too long." Then the girl says, "Yeah, I would tell you a joke about my pussy, but you'll never get it."

I go in to get a prostate exam. I'm nervous, but the doctor says it's all natural and needs to be done.

So he pulls down my pants and sticks one finger up my ass. I feel it go deeper inside, feeling for abnormalities.

That's when I realize his hands are on my shoulders.

Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.

Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us?

Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Son: Why?

Dad: To get to the other side, but your mother only made it about halfway.

I'd tell you a joke about unemployed people, but none of them work.

I bought a wooden whistle. But it wouldn't whistle, so I bought a steel whistle. But it still wouldn't whistle. So I bought a lead whistle, but it still wouldn't lead me to whistle.

There's no "I" in team, but there is a "U" in cunt.

Kid: "Hey dad, what's dark humor?"

Dad: "Go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him."

Kid: "But dad, I don't have any legs or arms."

Dad: "Exactly, son."

I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.

I was gonna roast you about your chin, but I didn't know which one to talk about.

I’m not saying you’re going bald, but you’ll find Waldo before you find your hairline.

We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read, "It's a bumpy road but soon you will have a straight path." People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor.