But jokes

There was always that one specific person you thought ruined your life, but it turns out your life has always been ruined by you being in it.

What is a tower's favorite bagel? I don't know, but it sure as hell ain't plain.

Kid: Mum, how do you know someone is drunk?

Mum: See the four birds over there?

Kid: Huh, wait a minute.

Mum: A drunk person would see eight.

Kid: Mum, but there is only two.

A depressed man buys a gun for suicide, but then thinks, "maybe I shouldn't be doing this," and asks a friend for help. He returns with a rope.

I called a Suicide Helpline, but they didn't help me commit suicide.

Tbh they really left me hanging there.

I'd tell a necrophilia joke, but they've been done to death.

So, my friend and I were talking this time. I asked them what they would do if they ever met Rengoku. They said that they would probably like shake his hand or something, but I said I would lick his forehead. Wtf?

I wasn't cut out for running today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

I would roast you, but the mirrors do when you look at them.

Where did JFK go in his car? I am not sure of his intentional destination, but he did go everywhere.

A man walks into a magic forest, when he stumbles upon a talking tree and tries to cut it down. The tree says, "You can't cut me down, I'm a talking tree!" The man replies, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."

I wasn't planning on going on a run, but those cops showed up out of nowhere.

Sleep, but make it forever.

Everybody misses Xxxtentacion, but the bullet didn't...

Me: I look up to you.

Friend: Wow, thanks!

Me: But in general cuz your so tall.

"What's your name, son?" the principal asked his student. The kid replied, "D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir." "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, "No sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk."

When I was in 4th grade, we wrote letters to kids in the hospital. I wrote: "It is a bumpy road but soon it will be a straight path." Not many people know I was talking about their heart monitor.

Little Johnny tried phone sex, but the holes were too small.

I brought my cousin to an arcade and I gave her $5 to go play a game, but she tugged my joystick too hard.

So 6 is scared of 7 because 7, 8, 9, but why did 10 have PTSD?

He was stuck in the middle of 9/11.