But jokes

In the Bible, it says Jesus died for our sins, but he came back to life, so what did he sacrifice?

Was it a weekend to wash away our sins?

I wish I could tell you about my penis, but it's too short.

Roses are red. Your blood is too. You look like a monkey And belong in a zoo.

Do not worry, I will be there too. Not in the cage, But laughing at you.

What's yellow and can't swim but screams when it goes under?

A school bus full of kids.

Your mom wants to tell you that you're adopted, but you were an orphan.

It may be weird to let people smell your hair, but grab the phone as soon as the dwarf says your hair smells nice.

Have you heard about the awesome fruit race?

The lettuce was ahead, but the tomato was able to ketchup!

A depressed guy walks into a utensil store and finds a knife, but he didn't stab himself... Part 2 coming out tomorrow.

Why are women like diapers?

They’re usually full of shit, but thankfully disposable.

What's the difference between a fly and a bird?

A bird can fly, but a fly cannot bird.

What is the difference between a car and a tree?

A tree cannot drive, but a car can drive.

Why are you censoring my friend Franz? He's just making jokes, but you admins get offended too easily, f*cktards!

Nothing bad ever happens to the Kennedys! Except that one headshot, but we don’t talk about that.

I was going to think of a good amputee joke...

But I’m stumped.

A kid asks his mom what dark humor is.

She says, “You see that man with no arms, tell him to clap.”

“But mom, I’m blind!” says the kid.

“Exactly,” replied the mom.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Your dad.

But my dad's dead.

I know, just reminding you!

Do you know the best thing about killing a hooker?

Not only do you get your money back, but the second hour is free.

I have to say my humor isn't the best, but I'll give this a go.

My science teacher always reminded us about kilometers per second. Now I want to kilometer per second.

You know those credit card inserters at Walgreens? I want to insert my credit card on my wrist.

I'll shut up now.

There once was a woman who had 10 kids. Their names were:

Tenth, Twenty, Thirty, Forty, Fifty, Sixty, Seventy, Eighty, Ninety, and One Hundred.

Everyone but Ninety died. She also had 10 kids.

These 10 kids got a dog without Ninety knowing. They had him for 2 years until he got hit by a car.

Only Ninety's kids know about this.

A man is in purgatory. He says he suddenly was shocked by something, so he died.

The guard at purgatory says: "I can give you one more chance to live!"

He revives the man. The man gets up, but something doesn't feel right... He looks in the mirror to see what's wrong. He closes his eyes and hears something.

Guard: "Welcome back! You found the problem!"