But jokes
I was going to think of a good amputee joke...
But I’m stumped.
Nothing bad ever happens to the Kennedys! Except that one headshot, but we don’t talk about that.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Your dad.
But my dad's dead.
I know, just reminding you!
Do you know the best thing about killing a hooker?
Not only do you get your money back, but the second hour is free.
What is heavy forward but not backward?
Once upon a time, there was a woman named Sarah who woke up one morning to find her husband and his wheelchair missing. She searched high and low, but they were nowhere to be found. Desperate to find them, she put up posters all over town offering a reward.
A kid asks his mom what dark humor is.
She says, “You see that man with no arms, tell him to clap.”
“But mom, I’m blind!” says the kid.
“Exactly,” replied the mom.
Me: Looks like a girl, sure as h3ll I don't sound like one.
Michael Jackson: Looks like a boy, sure as h3ll don't sound like one.
That [is] what we have i[n] commen, but if you mix up my gender I won't give a F about it. Michael Jackson not so much : )
What does the "f" in "orphan" stand for? Family, but there's no "f".
Who was the meanest man in the world?
He raped Helen Keller and threw her down a well, but not before cutting off her fingers so she couldn't yell for help.
I don't wanna brag, but I finished a puzzle in under a week, and it said 2-4 years on the box.
In the Bible, it says Jesus died for our sins, but he came back to life, so what did he sacrifice?
Was it a weekend to wash away our sins?
What is the difference between a car and a tree?
A tree cannot drive, but a car can drive.
What's the difference between a fly and a bird?
A bird can fly, but a fly cannot bird.
What has two arms and two legs but can’t walk or run?
Stephen Hawking.
I wish I could tell you about my penis, but it's too short.
Why are you censoring my friend Franz? He's just making jokes, but you admins get offended too easily, f*cktards!
Roses are red. Your blood is too. You look like a monkey And belong in a zoo.
Do not worry, I will be there too. Not in the cage, But laughing at you.
I just reached 10 million pounds in Euro Truck Simulator, but it's not even close to what Rakhmat Akilov achieved.
Girl: What is abortion?
Man: Ask your brother.
Girl: But I don't have a brother!
Man: Exactly!
Kid: You're so fat!
Other kid: At least fat can be changed, but your ugly face can't be.