But jokes
My dick was in the book of world records.
But then the librarian asked me to take it out.
I was going to make a depressing joke, but my parents already did.
Everyone is able to be stupid, but you're just abusing the privilege.
People in Africa have earth, fire, air, but never water.
A wife was cleaning her 12-year-old son’s bedroom when she found a load of serious bondage gear and fetish mags. She asked her husband, “What do we do?”
The husband said, “I’m no expert, but I wouldn’t fucking spank him.”
When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark.
But when we grew up, the electricity bill made us afraid of the light!
I stole my friend's amnesia medication the other day, he was pretty pissed.
But I reminded him of the age-old mantra: "Forgive and forget!"
Okay, so I know this is not a joke, but I wanted to take some time to say if you have autism, you are still amazing. You are lovely in every way, and if people bully you, don't listen because they are wrong. You are cute, and I know how it feels. I have ADHD, and I get bullied a lot, but I don't let that get to me because I know what they are saying is wrong and not true. People with autism, stay strong; you got this. I will be your friend by heart, even if it's not in person.
What does a knife have but not my life...
A point.
What did the passengers of the plane say when they saw the airplane strip? Nothing, because it was not an airplane strip, but a tower.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote Linkin Park too much.
But in the end, it doesn’t even matter.
Stacy: Honey, I'm kinda new to texting, what does lol mean?
Justin: I'm not sure, "lots of love," I guess.
Margaret: Stacy, are you there? I don't know if you heard, but Amber and her three kids were killed in a car crash this morning. I'm in total shock!
Stacy: lol
School Rizz:
You are my exam. I am always thinking about you but never making a move.
I’d give you a nasty look, but you already have one, bummer!
My opinion on abortion is very divided. Like, on the one hand, I like the idea of killing babies, but I'm not really into this thing about women being able to make choices.
What do you call an orphan family photo?
A selfie.
But wait, what family? He never had one.
Ben 10 and a disabled person are the same, but no aliens for the disabled person.
My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.
The other day my wife told me to pass her her lipstick, but I accidently passed her a glue stick... she still isn't talking to me.
My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.