But jokes
What do you call a sad rabbit? Unhoppy.
Why isn't there a sad sunglasses emoji? To show that I am happy but I'm still cool.
A depressed kid went to go high five a tree.
But the tree left him hanging.
I don't know what an HD is, but my doctor says I have 80 of 'em'.
Yo mama so ugly, when she went to the ugly club, they said, "Sorry, professionals only!"
Your mom checked for your hairline, but she could not find it.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
My ex's dad died while she was texting me. She said she had a boyfriend, but I told her I had a dad.
The ketchup told a joke. No one was laughing, but the egg was cracking up!
An orphan walks into a shop but gets lost, so he calls his mum but then remembers.
Pete the panther was racing a cheetah but lost. The cheetah said, "You can’t beat me, I’m a cheetah." Pete said, "Yeah, you are a cheetah cheetah."
Why is 6 scared of 7? Because 7 8 9.
But why is 10 scared? Because he is in the middle of 9/11.
I might slide up to your block with intelligence. I'm a genius with a glock. There's some relevance. Took his chain, took his rocks. Took his sediments. There's no cap inside my speech. No impediments.
Putting numbers on the board, I use my calculator. Put a opp below the floor, he's a denominator. E = mc2, you didn't notice that? Had the shot, but he's too scared. Why didn't he buss it back?
A man was about to go into the bar with his dog when he realized the sign said, “No pets allowed!” He was about to walk away when another guy walked up with his dog. The 2nd man put on dark shades and said, “Just pretend you're blind!” He walked in with his dog, got a drink, then left.
The 1st man did the same thing, but when he walked in, the bartender said, “You know your ‘guide dog’ is a chihuahua, right?”
The man said, “They gave me a damn Chihuahua?!”
Yo mama so stupid, she shoved a battery up her butt and said, "I GOT THE POWER!"
I have a fish that can breakdance, but only for 20 seconds and only once.
Why were the Twin Towers mad? Because they ordered pepperoni but instead they got... Plane.
I'd make a joke about pizza, but it's too cheesy. I know y'all have too thick of a crust to get it!
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9.
But why was 10 scared? Because he is right in the middle of 9/11!
Little off topic but...
Mum: You wouldn't be here without me.
Son: And my birth certificate is a sorry letter from the condom factory.
Mum: Fair point.
I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend, so I fucked her. Turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about.
And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her, but this time it was her identical triplet. There are 3 of them...
AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!