But jokes

Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner."

The first lady says, "2 years, 2 side-hoes." She got an old lexus.

The second lady says, "10 years, 1 visit from a prostitute." She got a Mercedes-Benz.

The third lady says, "I never had a husband."

The angel says in response, "F*ck me and then you can have a lambo."

They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying.

The first lady says, "I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse."

"How!?" The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a d*ck!"

I say 123, yeah, the kids bullied me, but they really don't know that my dad has a gun, yeah.

What's the definition of disappointment?

Running into a wall with a boner, but it only hits your nose.

Dark Jokes R Like Puppies:

Once they come out they are trash, but once it starts to get older, that’s when it’s noticed, but when it gets too old, you either proclaim it dead or never talk about it.

(I would never do that though I love puppies)

I would tell you a cat pun, but it's too purr-fect to share.

You're dumb, but that's not what she said.

Me: I look up to you.

Friend: Wow, thanks!

Me: But in general cuz your so tall.

Alright kids! Find a good place to stop! Then, out of the blue, Billy died. But hey, he went to a better place.

To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket: you can hide, but you can’t run.

So there's this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says, "I've got an idea!", and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says, "What should their names be?"

The uncle replies, "Well for your daughter, Denise." "That's a nice name," comments the mother, "but what about my son?" The uncle simply replies, "Denephew".

I'd tell you a joke about unemployed people, but none of them work.

I was going to make a 9/11 joke, but I'm afraid it will crash and burn.

This is supposed to be worst puns but most of them are not puns.

You might be innocent, but if you carry a large sum of cash in public, the cops won’t believe that.

There's no "I" in team, but there is a "U" in cunt.

I would have told you about a chemistry joke, but I wouldn't get a reaction.

A married woman gets hit by a truck, and the cops tell her husband:

Cop: "Sir, it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."

Man: "I know, but she has a great personality."

I'd make a joke about Noble Gases, but I probably wouldn't get much of a reaction.

I tried out some puns to make people laugh, but no pun in ten did.

A wife and husband were setting up their computer, and the husband made the password "my dick." But the wife fell on the floor laughing because the computer said the password was too short.