But jokes

I told my dad I was self harming. The next day we talked about it and he said, "Hey you should CUT it out." It was funny but I couldn't bring myself to laugh at that.

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    • I was in an argument with a "friend" at school. He said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."

    ...so I threw a dictionary at him.

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    • What's the difference between a school bus and a cactus?

    On the school bus, the pricks are on the inside, but on a cactus, the pricks are on the outside.

    I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.

    I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

    I cleaned my room today. While sweeping under the bed, I heard my mop collide with something. To my surprise, I found Pristiano Penaldo hiding under my bed! My dad said, “Don’t bother sweeping him son, he’s been dusted for years.” I was shocked but not surprised.

    Last week, I was on a plane to Manchester when suddenly the plane was hit by a ball. I wondered where it came from, but I soon realized it was none other than Penaldo practicing his free kicks. Shame on you, Penaldo, for almost killing me!

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    • I like it when girls poop, it's really hot.

    I like the big butt orange holes when the brown farter juice comes out of the orange. I like [it] a lot 🤑 🤑 🤑 🤑 🤑

    I get a big weiner when I think about big farting girls.

    Did you hear about the cheetah who robbed a bank? He ran away so fast he almost got away with it, but he was spotted.

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    • Why can't homeless people buy a house?

    'Cause they live on the streets.

    I asked a girl I met if I could take her out to dinner.

    The joke is I knew right after she said, "I'll call you," she was lying to me, not surprised even a little.

    The next joke was a part of me hoped she would call, but did I really think she was going to? I'll never be good enough for anyone, what was I thinking, why did I even bother to ask her in the first place? I think it was just to prove I was right, I'm unwanted.

    LONELINESS EQUALS SADNESS.

    I was doing a race, and I started after everyone 'cause I fell, but when I got up I realized I couldn't even race, not because I was behind, but because I can't go straight if I'm gay...

    Your mama is so fat that when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the concrete cracked up.

    Yo mama so fat, when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the concrete laughed up.

    Yo mama so black, when God saw her, he said, "Let there be light!" but twice.

    I really wasn't planning on going for a run today, but damn, those cops came out of nowhere!

    Jack and Jill went up the hill, so Jack could lick her candy. But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock, 'cause Jill's real name was Randy.