But jokes

When somebody says they're depressed (by over-romanticizing their so-called problems) but can't be by your side when you are at your lowest.

Then you know they're faking depression. 🙂

If you know it, you know it.

Unpopular opinion about programming but,

"Uncaught TypeError: Cannot read property 'myUnpopularOpinion' of undefined."

I like sucking the Twin Towers off, but then I forgot dad already finished the job.

You know how sometimes you want to listen to music?

But everything you listen to is just supremely unsatisfying, even if it's songs you usually love; they are just so unappealing, and you have no idea what you actually want to listen to.

I only have 4 moods:

• fuck this • fuck that • fuck me • fuck you

I empathize with the above, but I have an additional 4 moods to add:

• fuck yeah • fuck no • fuck my life • fuck everything

and don't forget the inevitable

• fuck it

and for those who have just given up

• fuck

This is beautiful.

Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some mairawanah.

Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "I know you wanna," but dumb-ass Jill forgot her pills, and now they have 12 kids.

I was watching Avengers and I thought I saw a grape, but it was just Thanos.

Two friends are arguing and one friend says, "Jason Warhis is not afraid of water and not ifs, ands, or buts about it."

And the other friend says, "Butt he is."

Want to hear an abortion joke, or any joke for that matter? You have that option, and you can thank your mother for that.

But that's a question that will never be heard by an aborted unborn baby, whose only option was death. And that's no joke.

I told my dad I was self harming. The next day we talked about it and he said, "Hey you should CUT it out." It was funny but I couldn't bring myself to laugh at that.

I was in an argument with a "friend" at school. He said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."

...so I threw a dictionary at him.

What's the difference between a school bus and a cactus?

On the school bus, the pricks are on the inside, but on a cactus, the pricks are on the outside.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.

I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

I cleaned my room today. While sweeping under the bed, I heard my mop collide with something. To my surprise, I found Pristiano Penaldo hiding under my bed! My dad said, “Don’t bother sweeping him son, he’s been dusted for years.” I was shocked but not surprised.

Last week, I was on a plane to Manchester when suddenly the plane was hit by a ball. I wondered where it came from, but I soon realized it was none other than Penaldo practicing his free kicks. Shame on you, Penaldo, for almost killing me!

I like it when girls poop, it's really hot.

I like the big butt orange holes when the brown farter juice comes out of the orange. I like [it] a lot 🤑 🤑 🤑 🤑 🤑

I get a big weiner when I think about big farting girls.

Science flies you to the moon, but religion flies you into 2 skyscrapers.

Did you hear about the cheetah who robbed a bank? He ran away so fast he almost got away with it, but he was spotted.

Why can't homeless people buy a house?

'Cause they live on the streets.

I asked a girl I met if I could take her out to dinner.

The joke is I knew right after she said, "I'll call you," she was lying to me, not surprised even a little.

The next joke was a part of me hoped she would call, but did I really think she was going to? I'll never be good enough for anyone, what was I thinking, why did I even bother to ask her in the first place? I think it was just to prove I was right, I'm unwanted.

LONELINESS EQUALS SADNESS.