But jokes

An orphan thinks he finally sees his mom, but then he realizes it's air.

I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere!

When a woman removes polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye.

But when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, everyone loses it...

Why do emo kids love dressing up on Halloween so much?

It's their last holiday for them, but at least they're still hanging on...

Q: What do you call a duck that's sad?

A: Idk, but it's acting really duckpressed.

Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping?

"No."

Yeah, but then he woke up.

I would like to call you as dumb as a rock, but they can hold a door open.

I don't really understand 9/11 jokes, but they eventually hit me like a plane.

There was this boy. He had diarrhea, and he kept asking to go to the bathroom, but the teacher said no. Next thing you know, he pooped himself in front of the class.

A young teen was walking home from school and having a nice day.

She gets home, eats, showers, and heads to her room. The young teen hears her mother say something. Not sure what she said, the girl replies with "ok."

The young teen was gonna head to bed, wondering when her mom was gonna come in and say goodnight. She lays in bed, but then she hears her mom's voice say, "Hunny, I'm home." She doesn't bother to say ok.

Later, when she decides to sleep, she gets a message from her mom saying to unlock the door, that she lost her keys. :)

What does the F in "orphan" stand for?

"Family," but there is no F.

You may have a footlong, but I have a SHENLONG. :)

My mom told me to clean the sink, but I couldn’t find you.

What do you call someone who’s blond, beautiful, and listens to what you’re saying, but only hears what they want?

Womxn

Children and your meat are actually quite similar.

At first you seem weirded out by spanking it, but later on you start to enjoy it.

A man goes to a doctor and says he's having problems shitting, so the doctor gives him an enema and says he needs to do it a few times at home, but does the first one for him. So the guy bends over the table, lubes him up, and shoves it deep in him, and he yells.

So later, the man goes home and tells his wife he needs her help with the enema. So he bends over, she lubes him up, puts a hand on his shoulder, and she shoves it up there, and he starts screaming and cussing, and the wife asks, "Did I hurt you?" He said, "No, I just realized when the doctor did it, he had both hands on my shoulders."

I know the voices in my head aren't real, but man, do they have some good ideas.

Why is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's stomach but never the man's balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations?

Twin Towers ordered Little Caesars but they got jets.

I've been trying to use Google Maps in Ukraine, but I couldn't because I only saw Russia.