Never invest in funerals. It's a dying industry.
Where do Dairy Queen and Burger King go after dinner?
White Castle.
What did the watch say to the failing watch company?
"You better watch it!"
What happened when the gun dealer found his pistol in his shoe?
He found that he had a piece in his sole!
A Mexican opens a pharmacy in CA. What’s he selling?
Drugs.
What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? I don’t know. I was too busy wanking.
What do you call a private nun?
Nun-o-yo-business.
A man went to a Ford dealership hoping to find a car, but he said they weren't affordable.
I walked into a store, and I pointed a stick to the roof and said, "This is a stick up!"
I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
Did you hear about the restaurant they're putting on the moon?
Good food, but no atmosphere.
What did Pennywise become after LEAVING the circus? Ex-IT.
What do you call an angry shopper?
A cuss-tomer.
Video game company names always make me make puns I didn't intend to.
Have you ever seen the clown in Walmart that hides from gay people?
No..... Really?
Hahaha
Grasshole.
If Bruno Mars was to run a pub and sell chocolate bars other than alcoholic drinks, then he'd have to call his pub a Mars Bar!
What happens when Steven Hawking dies?
Take his iPad to Cash Converters.
I picked up a document, and I started to feel cold.
I looked down at the document, and it read "DRAFT."
What is a carrot's favorite shop?
The wheelchair store.
