Ayo, the pizza here... OH NlGGA! AHHHHH!... Augh, my ears burn!
What did God say to the black person?
"Oops, I burned one."😳
Not racist, just funny.
Whoever invented school, I hope you burn in hell.
If I were an object in this world, I'd be a glass! Because if you leave me when I'm too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.
If I was a pizza topping, I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.
I'm a star! Because one of these days, I'm going to crash and burn...
If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die, I'd be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.
I'm like the sun; I'm painful to look at.
If I was a food, I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.
I'm like an eggshell... broken and empty.
If I was a mythical creature, I'd be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.
I'm like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.
My soul is a raisin because it's dried up, shriveled, and not everyone likes it.
I'm like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.
I'm like the moon because as the month progresses, my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.
I'm like an extremely powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.
I'm like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.
I'm like a shitty book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.
My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can't afford to go through with the divorce, and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape, but the more they try, the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety.
Help me....
My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.
A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"
*Coughs roughly* Oh my God, it hurts so much. I can't see. It burns! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! *Weakly*
Why did people bully the burning circuit?
It was too short.
Never joke about 9/11, they'll just crash and burn.
If someone told me to bring up 9/11, they were trying to make a funny joke, but it didn't work.
That one really *crashed and burned*.
Superman and Flash were in the living room pounding back a few beers. Flash says to Superman, "I bet you can fly into Wonder Woman's bedroom and get the best pussy of your life." So he does it. When he goes back to Flash, Superman says, "Man, that was great, but my ass kinda burns."
Imagine being named Colby and you burn yourself
My therapist told me to write letters to the people you hate and then burn them Did that, but now I don't know what to do with the letters.
Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap
Why is my anus burning? Cause I sat on an open lighter oh god help
i burned a orphans hand and than they sed you will pay for this.me:what are you going to do tell your parents?
What's an emo's favorite way of growing food?
The slash and burn tactic.
I think that church is super burning 🥵
I'd make a 9/11 joke, but it wouldn't fly anymore. And if I tried it would probably crash and burn. It just wouldn't help my comedy career take off.
I don't usually like to tell 9/11 jokes for two reasons: they're morally wrong, and they tend to crash and burn.
What is your body like? Soft.
