Brain jokes

I'm autistic.

What had more brains than Hitler? The wall behind him.

I wasn't going to have a brain transplant...

But then I changed my mind.

Don’t worry if you have a stroke.

You’ll be all right.

Roll your eyes back, you might find a brain back there.

If I were an object in this world, I'd be a glass! Because if you leave me when I'm too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.

If I was a pizza topping, I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

I'm a star! Because one of these days, I'm going to crash and burn...

If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die, I'd be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.

I'm like the sun; I'm painful to look at.

If I was a food, I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.

I'm like an eggshell... broken and empty.

If I was a mythical creature, I'd be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.

I'm like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.

My soul is a raisin because it's dried up, shriveled, and not everyone likes it.

I'm like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.

I'm like the moon because as the month progresses, my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.

I'm like an extremely powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.

I'm like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.

I'm like a shitty book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.

My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can't afford to go through with the divorce, and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape, but the more they try, the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety.

Help me....

What has more brains than Kurt Cobain?

The wall behind him.

My boyfriend entered a retarded contest, but they said no because they don’t allow perfectionists.

I asked my zombie boyfriend, "Does he have a brain?" Because he's stupid asf.

Monkey: What ya doing?

Other monkey: Just you know, "hanging around."

Bad joke, right? I just can't think of something amazing. It's like my brain is "hanging."

My friend's life.

What has more brains than the Columbine students? The wall behind them, xD.

Zaine Davis and Stephen Hawking fuck each others brains out.

I wanted to get brain surgery.

I changed my mind.

What did one brain cell say to the other brain cell?

"I think I feel a connection!"

What was on Stephen Hawking's gravestone? "Intel inside."

Who needs storage on a computer? Just use an Asian's brain.

I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “What do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed.

Most women can’t pull off sarcasm.

What do you call a bum person with a brain?

A hillbilly.

Why did Frozone have a headache? He had brain freeze.