Brain jokes

Trump's medical records were just released. According to the brain scan, the left side of his brain has nothing right, while the right side has nothing left.

Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...

Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)

AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]

You know why I have so low IQ? It's because the left side of my brain gets nothing right, and the right side of my brain has nothing left.

Why did Steven Hawking die?

A quad rasher ran him over.

Hrhfgsfabcke then the other guy said, "Potato."

I had amnesia once... maybe twice.

God, I miss Stephen Hawking.

He was brainier than Kurt Cobain's ceiling.

When you kill people in a war, it's perfectly fine, but when it's a school, everyone has a problem with it, wth.

I like tacos more than you like tacos.

Who likes more tacos?

Mee! said the taco.

I was about to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

What do a convention of nerds and Kurt Cobain's garage have in common?

There's brains all over the place.

I'm autistic.

What had more brains than Hitler? The wall behind him.

I wasn't going to have a brain transplant...

But then I changed my mind.

Don’t worry if you have a stroke.

You’ll be all right.

Roll your eyes back, you might find a brain back there.

If I were an object in this world, I'd be a glass! Because if you leave me when I'm too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.

If I was a pizza topping, I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

I'm a star! Because one of these days, I'm going to crash and burn...

If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die, I'd be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.

I'm like the sun; I'm painful to look at.

If I was a food, I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.

I'm like an eggshell... broken and empty.

If I was a mythical creature, I'd be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.

I'm like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.

My soul is a raisin because it's dried up, shriveled, and not everyone likes it.

I'm like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.

I'm like the moon because as the month progresses, my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.

I'm like an extremely powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.

I'm like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.

I'm like a shitty book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.

My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can't afford to go through with the divorce, and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape, but the more they try, the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety.

Help me....

What has more brains than Kurt Cobain?

The wall behind him.

My boyfriend entered a retarded contest, but they said no because they don’t allow perfectionists.

I asked my zombie boyfriend, "Does he have a brain?" Because he's stupid asf.