A man walks into the library. “Hello ma’am, I’d like to borrow a book about committing suicide.” The librarian replies, “No, you won’t give it back.”
How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her? They handed her a basketball and told her to “read this book”.
Me: I finished a book with 100 pages.
Someone else: How was it?
Me: It's a long story.
My junk was in the book of world records until I got kicked out of the library.
What do planets like to read? Comet books!
What's the most unrealistic part of Harry Potter?
A ginger with friends.
What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? -- Tequila Mockingbird.
Stormtrooper: What should I do about my overdue library book?
Palpatine: Renew it!
This guy walks into a library one day and asks the librarian for a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian says, "F*** no, you won’t return it!"
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. Next week he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.
What do you call a hot Mac Book Pro?
A Mac Daddy Pro.
A woman walks into a library and asks if they have any books about paranoia. The librarian says, "They're right behind you!"
Did you hear about the book about gravity? I couldn’t put it down.
Do you want a book about gravity? I couldn’t put it down!
One day, I came home from school and said to my dad, "I got expelled from school today." He said, "How?" I said, "I threw my book at the teacher." He asked, "Why?" I told him, "We were doing an anti-bullying program, and my teacher said words can't hurt me, so I threw my dictionary at her."
Why didn’t Harry Potter use the chamber to teach Dumbledore’s army?
Because at one point poisonous gases were put in it.
What do you call a girl that likes reading? Page.
Getting a book on pasta?
Yes. Just imagine the pastabilities there are!
The person to make the first cannabinol cookbook had a wife and ate (eight) children.
I just got a job at the prison library.
It has its prose and cons.
