I bought my friend a rope for his birthday he said it was the most violent book ever
— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?
— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.
Never hide something behind a bookshelf. It's the oldest trick in the book!
About the guy who gave Stevie Wonder a cheese grater...
He thought it was the most violent book he'd ever read.
You have more chins than a Hong Kong telephone book!
What is a glory hole at the adult book store used for?
Campaign contributions to the Republican Party.
FICTIONAL BOOKS / AUTHORS
Outdoor Entertaining by Patty O.
Over the Mountaintop by Hugo First.
Plumbing for Idiots by Duane Pipes.
Music Theory by Amanda Lynn Player.
Meterology 101 By Wendy Reign and Sonny Daze.
Oh God By Dixie Rect.
Please Don't Stop By Craven Moorehead.
Life And Times Of A Porn Star By Dixie Normous.
Right Stuff By Dang Lin-Wang.
How To Take Care of Your Cat By Connie Lingus.
Right Way 2 Orgasm By Buster Cherry.
The Unwanted Child By Brooke N Rubbers.
FICTIONAL BOOKS / AUTHORS
Why Should I Walk? By Iona Carr.
What Lonely Girls Should Do By Seymour Fellowes.
Unusual Window Decorations By Rod Curtains.
The Long Walk Home By Misty Bus.
Race to the Outhouse By Willie Makit and Illustrated by Betty Wont.
What's the difference between a child and a book?
One doesn't scream when you snap its neck.
What does iCloud eat for lunch? Your documents. For more Apple jokes, get iCanLaugh, found here. https://books.apple.com/us/book/icanlaugh/id1512968993
I was reading a book about an immortal dog yesterday...
It was impossible to put down.
Man 1: I-I ran my mom over to get a stupid book.
Man 2: Aww, books aren't that bad. I'm sure she thinks you're a great son considering she can't drive anymore.
Man 1: She was in the road, and I was rushing to get the last copy of this book. She can't drive or do anything anymore.
A man books a session to see a therapist, as he claims he has a strong fear of the 15th, 9th and 3rd letters of the alphabet. So once the therapist, let's call him Frank, has jotted that down on his notebook, he says, "Oh, I see."
True Story of Little Red Riding Hood.
The big bad wolf told Red Riding Hood to strip. He looked at her pussy and said, "Now I will fuck you!"
Red pulled out a shotgun from under her coat and said, "Oh no you're not. You're not, you're going to eat me just like it says in the book!"
I got kicked out of the school library for placing a women's rights book in the fiction section.
Eric's mom asked her son why his bag was heavy and if it was because of books. Eric replied, "No, magazines."
I have more chin than the Chinese phone book.
A guy entered a library and wanted to get some books to read. He was searching across the books, and the librarian asked him,
Librarian: What are you looking for?
Man: I am looking for a book!
Librarian: Which book?
Man: Facebook.
What do the initials BIBLE stand for?
Bull In Book Lacking Evidence
Why does a married heterosexual man want an anonymous blowjob at a glory hole inside an adult bookstore?
Because he doesn't want his wife to find out that he got a blowjob from another man.
