I have more chin than the Chinese phone book.
A guy entered a library and wanted to get some books to read. He was searching across the books, and the librarian asked him,
Librarian: What are you looking for?
Man: I am looking for a book!
Librarian: Which book?
Man: Facebook.
What do the initials BIBLE stand for?
Bull In Book Lacking Evidence
Why does a married heterosexual man want an anonymous blowjob at a glory hole inside an adult bookstore?
Because he doesn't want his wife to find out that he got a blowjob from another man.
A man walks into a library.
Man: "Hello ma'am, do you know where I can find a book on suicide?"
Librarian: "Do you know about our return policy?"
Suicidal Man: ...
Librarian: ...
The Woman checking out a book: "WHAT THE FUCK?"
What did the math book say to the guidance counselor?
How does the author of Harry Potter get around?
She walks, JK, Rowling!
I heard Kobe was writing a book about helicopters, but it just wouldn't land with people...
I know, I'm going to hell!
Why did the clock out the library?
It tocked too much!
Me: I'm sorry, Aaron.
Aaron: Why?
Me: Your parents couldn't be bothered to look past page one in the big book of baby names.
So, I got my blind friend a Big Mac for his birthday. A week later, he walked up to me and said,
"Damn, that was the most violent book I've ever read."
Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?
Me: Seeing others happy.
Doctor: Ok, so what makes you happy?
Me: Seeing stupid people in misery or agony.
Doctor: Well, that's rather sadistic.
Me: Well, statistically one in two doctors have fingered a child...
Doctor: Do you want your prescription or shall I book you an endoscopy?
Me: There's nothing hidden inside me, I'm empty "smug face".
"Grandma, tell me a story!" I said as we huddled near the campfire.
"Alright," she said, "Once, there was a tree named Timmy, he was my best tree friend. I used to read books under him and climb all his branches."
"Where is Timmy now?" I asked.
Grandma pointed to the campfire.
Santa was in my social studies book. He was a redcoat.
Do you know Warrior Cats?
I heard Hawkfrost is cold.
My sister asked where is my book.... me: "itti badi nak hai gufa jaisi dhund us mei."
I have been reading this book about zero gravity. I can’t seem to put it down.
What did the math book say to the other math book?
Wanna hear my problems?
I speak for the trees.
*Trees whisper in my ear*
They said six million wasn't enough.
Salman Rushdie got a new book out.
It's called "Buddha. You Fat Cunt."
