Body jokes
Me: I have the body of a 28 year old.
Her: Prove it.
Me: (opens freezer)
A man was shaving in the bathroom when all of a sudden Bubba, the boy he payed to mow his lawn, comes in to take a piss. The man can't help but look over his shoulder and he is surprised at how well endowed he is, and he asks: "Bubba, what's your secret?"
Bubba replies: "Well, every night before I get in bed with a woman I whack my dick on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!"
The man was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night, before he went to bed with his wife. So he got to bed and whacked his dick on the bedpost three times and the wife wakes up and says "Bubba, is that you?"
I came across a dead body in the woods. I liked it so much I came again.
I tell short people to reach for the stars.
They are always a bit short of reach.
Fatty and Skinny were in a bed.
Fatty rolled over, and Skinny was pegged.
Y yo body built like a half a tooth pic lol.
What is smegma name?
Yo momma is so old, she farts dust!
Everybody loves guns!
Every time I show them mine, they give me free stuff.
If you can’t touch your brain or see your brain, you don’t have a brain?
What planets do Astronauts like to pee on?
Uranus!
(Say this out loud and it will make more sense.)
What is the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
I hear skeletons like to play the saxaBONE, though I think the tromBONE would be better, but tibia honest, both can be HUMERUS, wouldn't wanna hurt your funny bone, but I think your starting to get BONELY so I'll stop pulling your leg. Now get out before I give you a bad time.
A man once ate the left side of a person. One guy watching asked if the guy he was eating was okay. The man eating him said, "No... it's okay, he's all right now."
Your mum so fat that when she sat down she said, "Why are there so many people under me?"
Your mom so fat, Thanos had to clap!
My Indian wife said last night if her fanny would taste like vindaloo curry, I said I've smelt your fucking armpits, you've got no chance.
When I aim this trigger, it all goes red.
Do you have a bounty 'cause you got a "M" on your head?
What do you call somebody with no nose?
You're so skinny that the professor thought you were the skeleton.