Body jokes

How does a booty stay in shape?

It works its glutes off!

What did the booty say to the chair?

"You complete me!"

What’s a booty’s favorite game?

Hide and cheek.

Hugging Leo is a great way to commit suicide... you’d just drown in all her fatness.

What do you call a girl with only one arm and leg?

Eileen.

My friend asked me:

Friend: "How much is your body worth?"

Me: "1 million."

Friend: "1 million dollars?!"

Me: "No. 1 million kilograms."

Friend: "Oh."

I know a baby carrot when I see one.

Ball stretcher.

Why did the person peel his skin off? Because he wanted to.

I know 5 fat people; you're 4 of them.

Jack and Jill went up the hill so they can fetch some pee. Jack fell down and broke his whole body. Jill just laughed and didn’t care, so now they have a daughter.

My arse hole hurts like no joke, man. I just had to tell that your heads a peanut, you fucking nonce, kid, you fat fuck sack, your mum you dirty cow!

So one day, I took a trip to Russia and saw Vladimir Putin walking in the streets without any bodyguards. Seeing as how I looked just like him, we switched places for a few days.

After two days, some officer came up to me and asked if we were going to project блять, and I said yes, and the officer said, "God help us."

So a day later, I heard on the news that every other continent and the moon were destroyed. I then approached the officer and said, "I thought you meant we were having a giant orgy." He said, "We did, and that we were extremely drunk."

I put peanut butter on my asshole so the dog would lick it, but instead I got bit by ants.

What do you call the midget sea?

A pond.

Your dick is as flat as your grandma's heart rate.

What's the difference between a pool and a toddler?

One doesn't scream when you go in dry ;)

Roses are red, you have a nice lip, it would look better if it was on my tit.

What's longer than a penis?

About anything.

I knew a girl called Melissa, but she was a tranny, and he could suck his own dick.