Body jokes

Your butt is bigger than Uranus!

So one day, I took a trip to Russia and saw Vladimir Putin walking in the streets without any bodyguards. Seeing as how I looked just like him, we switched places for a few days.

After two days, some officer came up to me and asked if we were going to project блять, and I said yes, and the officer said, "God help us."

So a day later, I heard on the news that every other continent and the moon were destroyed. I then approached the officer and said, "I thought you meant we were having a giant orgy." He said, "We did, and that we were extremely drunk."

What do you get when you go to the beach and you get a tan on your feet?

Tan toes.

What is different about priests and acne?

Acne waits until you're 13 to cum on your face.

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Cause she had no arms.

Knock knock? Who's there? Not Sally.

What's both red, white and sometimes purple?

My arms...

My penis is tied in a knot.

I pooped in a bottle and stuck my finger through it.

I took some of the boo boo out, licked it, and rubbed it on a wall, making a BOO BOO portal. I jumped into it and I saw BOO BOO LAND. I rolled all in the chunk poop and drank the diarrhea.

Why was Stephen Hawking's wife mad at him?

She caught him having an affair with his shoulder.

At night, before I got in bed with my girl, I had 206 bones, but I developed a 207th bone.

Why do people keep saying, "Why did the toilet paper not cross?" Because it got stuck in the crack, because it got stuck in their crack.

What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?

Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.

Why is the skeleton sad and alone?

Because he is with nobody.

What do you call the most famous skeleton detective?

Sherlock Bones!

My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”

I went for my routine check up last week, and everything was going great until the doctor stuck her finger up my butt. Should I look for a new dentist?

After a surgery, a man claimed he couldn't feel his legs. I replied, "Of course not, I amputated your fucking arms!"

Jeffy: I need a new butt. My old one has a crack in it.

Is buttcheeks one word?

Or should I spread them?

Getting hurt is a bone-breaking experience. It's such a spine-tingling event!