Why was Stephen Hawking's wife mad at him?
She caught him having an affair with his shoulder.
Body Jokes
At night, before I got in bed with my girl, I had 206 bones, but I developed a 207th bone.
Why do people keep saying, "Why did the toilet paper not cross?" Because it got stuck in the crack, because it got stuck in their crack.
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?
Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.
Why is the skeleton sad and alone?
Because he is with nobody.
What do you call the most famous skeleton detective?
Sherlock Bones!
My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”
I went for my routine check up last week, and everything was going great until the doctor stuck her finger up my butt. Should I look for a new dentist?
After a surgery, a man claimed he couldn't feel his legs. I replied, "Of course not, I amputated your fucking arms!"
Jeffy: I need a new butt. My old one has a crack in it.
Is buttcheeks one word?
Or should I spread them?
Getting hurt is a bone-breaking experience. It's such a spine-tingling event!
When it's been Halloween for a few months, but there's still a body hanging from your neighbor's tree.
They say people are 75% water.
But I'm 100% useless.
Two guys are on a plane. One of the guys' name is Jack. The other is Peter.
Peter: "Hi Jack."
Flight Attendant: "You're going to hijack the plane?!?"
Jack: "No, my name is Ja-"
Flight Attendant: "Everybody stay calm! These two men are going to hijack the plane!"
Jack: "No, no. My name is Jack and my friend here is an idiot."
I suck my dick.
Person A: C'mon person B, just be happy, smile.
Person B: Over my dead body.
Person B: *gets the noose*
My mom said to let Jesus come inside me; now I can't sit down.
Boner.
What is a skeleton's favorite instrument?
The trom-bone.
