Board

Board jokes

Chess

Why do US suck at chess? We lost both our towers.

Why is England so good at chess? They still have their queen.

Why does Russia suck at chess? They only have pawns.

Queen

Why is the queen in chess the most powerful piece? Because the board looks like a kitchen floor.

Sticker

When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.

Invention

Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.

Memes

Titanic

Did you hear the passengers on the Titanic invited Yo Momma and the Titanic crew said, "Man overboard!"

Risk

My pathological cheater of a sister wanted to play a board game with me.

I turned her down because I didn't like the Risk involved.

Chess

I guess in British chess they play without a queen...

But in American chess they play without two towers.

Intelligence

I might slide up to your block with intelligence. I'm a genius with a glock. There's some relevance. Took his chain, took his rocks. Took his sediments. There's no cap inside my speech. No impediments.

Putting numbers on the board, I use my calculator. Put a opp below the floor, he's a denominator. E = mc2, you didn't notice that? Had the shot, but he's too scared. Why didn't he buss it back?

Emo

I'm gonna open up a bar for emos.

I think I'll call it "The Cutting Board."

Boner

Teacher: *calls you up to the board*. You: Ok. *Gets intense boner* *has to fart really bad* You: F***!!!!!!!

Wrist

What do cutting boards and a suicidal teen's wrist have in common?

They both have cutting marks.

Orphan

Why do orphans like Monopoly?

To cry about the money they can’t earn in real life.

Father's Day

Myla, what did you do for Father's Day?

Myla: I went to a restaurant.

Timmy, what did you do for Father's Day?

Timmy: I went to a concert.

Olivia, what did you do for Father's Day?

Olivia: Talked to him through an ouija board.

CEO

Q. What did the United Healthcare CEO say after he got shot? A. I don't know. I don't own a Ouija board.

People

You see a boat filled with people, yet there isn’t a single person on board. How is that possible?

All of them are married!