Board jokes

Why do US suck at chess? We lost both our towers.

Why is England so good at chess? They still have their queen.

Why does Russia suck at chess? They only have pawns.

Where do surfers go to school?

Boarding school.

Why is the queen in chess the most powerful piece? Because the board looks like a kitchen floor.

When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.

Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.

Life is like a game of chess.

I don’t know how to play chess.

Why is Ollie so boring? He plays board games.

Did you hear the passengers on the Titanic invited Yo Momma and the Titanic crew said, "Man overboard!"

My pathological cheater of a sister wanted to play a board game with me.

I turned her down because I didn't like the Risk involved.

I guess in British chess they play without a queen...

But in American chess they play without two towers.

I might slide up to your block with intelligence. I'm a genius with a glock. There's some relevance. Took his chain, took his rocks. Took his sediments. There's no cap inside my speech. No impediments.

Putting numbers on the board, I use my calculator. Put a opp below the floor, he's a denominator. E = mc2, you didn't notice that? Had the shot, but he's too scared. Why didn't he buss it back?

What do you call a whiteboard that is dirty?

A dirty whiteboard.

Why was Jesus Christ cut from the hockey team?

He kept getting nailed to the boards.

I'm gonna open up a bar for emos.

I think I'll call it "The Cutting Board."

Teacher: *calls you up to the board*. You: Ok. *Gets intense boner* *has to fart really bad* You: F***!!!!!!!

What do cutting boards and a suicidal teen's wrist have in common?

They both have cutting marks.

Why do orphans like Monopoly?

To cry about the money they can’t earn in real life.

Myla, what did you do for Father's Day?

Myla: I went to a restaurant.

Timmy, what did you do for Father's Day?

Timmy: I went to a concert.

Olivia, what did you do for Father's Day?

Olivia: Talked to him through an ouija board.

Q. What did the United Healthcare CEO say after he got shot? A. I don't know. I don't own a Ouija board.

You see a boat filled with people, yet there isn’t a single person on board. How is that possible?

All of them are married!