Q: What's the difference between a CEO and a beer can?
A: Beer cans don't bleed when they get shot.
Me: What has two legs and bleeds?
Friend: Um, women? Obviously?
Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.
How to make an orphan BLEED?
Step 1 - Tell them to clap until they actually have a loving family.
Step 2 - LAUGH EVILLY as they BLEED.
Step 3 - Tell them to kys.
Step 4 - Leave that mental asylum.
My parents were concerned when I said I like to bleed, but at least I cut my risk of cancer and stroke in half.
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a pregnant emo girl?
The emo girl still bleeds.
Bully: I wouldn't bother wasting my time on a shit person like you.
Me: At least I have a brain unlike you.
Bully: Well at least I have a mom unlike you.
Me: Well your mom is so fat that she got stuck in her car and started bleeding Nutella?
Bully: How would you know that?
Me: Because she told me herself.
Bully: How exactly?
Me: She's on the phone right now.
Phone: *High pitched animal noises*
Me: Told you so!
My pencil sharpener when I bleed:
And I don't really care how bad it hurts. Cause you broke me first.
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a pregnant emo girl?
The emo girl still bleeds.
One day, Little Susie got her monthly bleeding for the first time in her life.
Not quite certain what was happening, and somewhat frightened, she decided to tell Little Johnny. Little Susie dropped her panties and showed Little Johnny what was happening.
Little Johnny's eyes opened wide in amazement. "You know," he said, "I'm not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!"
Q: What's the difference between a knife and a razor blade?
A: Depends on which wound bleeds faster.
True Story
A CO was receiving inmates as they're being recalled from their assigned jobs to prepare for count. An inmate that had passed the officer returned bleeding through his trousers from his crotch. The inmate had an argument with his lover who had told him that he wasn't enough woman for him. As the inmate was bleeding he was crying out, "He doesn't love me anymore!"
The officer called for medical assistance and went into the assigned cell. He found the severed penis. He fished it out of the toilet and placed it in a plastic bag with ice. He claimed that the medical staff at the hospital could reattach it. He took a ribbing from his fellow officers, because most would've flushed it. I retired and months later saw a fellow officer at the store. As we caught up, I mentioned that the last incident I responded to was 'the severed penis.' The officer tells me that the inmate severed his penis again after it was reattached and flushed it himself.
So here’s this funny story, and it’s true.
So my mom has this friend. When this guy was a kid, he was on the school bus, and this Mexican kid checked him into the aisle, so he hits him across the face with a metal lunchbox, and he started bleeding. Then they both get banned from the bus for a few days, so him and his dad drive to the Mexican kids house, and his dad says to the Mexican kids dad “if your kid ever picks on my kid again, I’m gonna come back to this house and kick your ass!”
"I'm sorry, Wendy, but I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die."
I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and then give her blood so she can bleed more.
How to make an orphan's feet bleed? Make them run in place until their parents get them.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Tell him to clap until his parents come home.
What is saw and bleeding and covered in bruises?
Your mum.
How do you get an orphan's hands to bleed?
Tell him to clap until his parents come home!
So I found out a rainbow is basically where a guy ejaculates in a female's mouth and she swallows her period juice and they both kiss each other, swishing it together in each other's mouth, and it forms a rainbow.
And a strawberry shortcake is basically where a dude ejaculates on a female's face and then punches her in the nose, causing her to bleed. That's why it's called a strawberry shortcake.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You tell him, "Clap your hands until your mom comes."
