One morning a dad was sitting and watching TV.
His daughter comes in and says, "Dad! Why is my name Rose?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head." "Cool," Rose said.
The second daughter walked in and said, "Dad! Why is my name Daisy?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were a baby, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Awesome," Daisy said.
The third daughter came in and said, "DuUuUDeEeEeDrrrrrrrrr!!!" "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!!!"
What keeps you breathing when you're on Earth?
I don't know. I suffocated at birth.
What is the difference between a hoe's birth Daddy and her pimp Daddy?
The first daddy plants the seed in a cunt, and the second reaps the harvest from the cunt.
What do cannibals think when they see a pregnant woman
Kinder egg surprise
If your wife dies of childbirth, can you press charges on the baby?
Your dick is so small they thought you were a girl when you came into the world.
you were born on a road.thats were most accidents happen
Life is karma... because I was born, God gifted me with social awkwardness, sh*t athletic skills, and stupidity.
Why did Dairy Queen and Burger King get arrested for copyright infringement? Because they gave birth to Five Guys.
What do Indians call their father when they are born?
Data.
What do emos use as birth control?
Their personalities!
If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.
What might an aborted child want for Christmas?
..... a home that isn't a bin.
A father awaits the birth of his first child.
The obstetrician says, "Unfortunately, he has no arms."
The father says, "I'll love it all the same."
But the obstetrician adds, "It is also without legs, trunk, head."
The father says, "I'll love it all the same."
Then the obstetrician confessed to him, "I'm sorry, but only this ear was born."
The father says, "I'll love it all the same."
And the obstetrician says, "Talk to him closer: he's deaf!"
A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging, “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says, “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
Were you born on the side of the highway because that’s where all mistakes happen?
How did the orphan survive birth?
U
Today we need to teach our teens about having safe sex while using contraceptives.
Condoms 99 percent effective.
Birth control 99 percent effective.
Etc.
Just be like me and use underage 7 year olds works 100 percent of the time (only cost 20 years in jail ;)
What's the difference between cancer and a baby?..
There is none.
When you were born, your mom said you were out of bounds, so you went flying out of the hospital.
