Birth jokes

A farmer artificially impregnated a cow. The cow said to another cow, "It's a miracle, I'm pregnant." The other cow said, "That's impossible, it's only us cows in the field, you must be joking." The first cow said, "Nope, I'm serious... no bull!"

I used to be a man in a woman’s body. And then I was born.

Mary: If you born pikin (child) inside shop, wetin you go call that pikin (child)?

Mike: The pikin (child) go bear Bishop.

Your forehead is so big that your mom stayed in the delivery room just to give birth to your head.

Why couldn't the twins never do anything right?

Because they were triplets!

Mary had a great big ram, his fleece was white as snow, when on hands and knees our Mary went, his wad was sure to blow.

Month by month her belly grew, increasing in its girth, and when five months had flown by, our Mary did give birth.

And Mary had a little lamb, a little lamb, a little lamb...

What keeps you breathing when you're on Earth?

I don't know. I suffocated at birth.

I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.

Your dick is so small they thought you were a girl when you came into the world.

If your wife dies of childbirth, can you press charges on the baby?

What do cannibals think when they see a pregnant woman?

"Kinder Egg surprise."

If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.

What do Indians call their father when they are born?

Data.

Life is karma... because I was born, God gifted me with social awkwardness, sh*t athletic skills, and stupidity.

What do emos use as birth control?

Their personalities!

Why did Dairy Queen and Burger King get arrested for copyright infringement? Because they gave birth to Five Guys.

You were born on a road. That's where most accidents happen.

Yo mama's so ugly, when she was born the doctor slapped your grandma.

What might an aborted child want for Christmas?

..... a home that isn't a bin.

Why do we call them dead bodies? Nobody says "alive bodies!" Like you walk into your workplace, "OMFG IT'S FULL OF BODIES! Alive ones, though." You wouldn't give birth and say, "Come on, husband, help me with the bodies." If it's a surprise party, you wouldn't say, "QUICK, HIDE THE BODIES!" And the person who the party was for wouldn't say "OH MY GOD WHY ARE THEY DEAD!"