Birth

Birth jokes

Ram

Mary had a great big ram, his fleece was white as snow, when on hands and knees our Mary went, his wad was sure to blow.

Month by month her belly grew, increasing in its girth, and when five months had flown by, our Mary did give birth.

And Mary had a little lamb, a little lamb, a little lamb...

Prostitution

What is the difference between a hoe's birth Daddy and her pimp Daddy?

The first daddy plants the seed in a cunt, and the second reaps the harvest from the cunt.

Dick

Your dick is so small they thought you were a girl when you came into the world.

Baby

If your wife dies of childbirth, can you press charges on the baby?

Karma

Life is karma... because I was born, God gifted me with social awkwardness, sh*t athletic skills, and stupidity.

Dairy Queen

Why did Dairy Queen and Burger King get arrested for copyright infringement? Because they gave birth to Five Guys.

Parent

If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.

Child

What might an aborted child want for Christmas?

..... a home that isn't a bin.

Mama

Yo mama's so ugly, when she was born the doctor slapped your grandma.

Father

A father awaits the birth of his first child.

The obstetrician says, "Unfortunately, he has no arms."

The father says, "I'll love it all the same."

But the obstetrician adds, "It is also without legs, trunk, head."

The father says, "I'll love it all the same."

Then the obstetrician confessed to him, "I'm sorry, but only this ear was born."

The father says, "I'll love it all the same."

And the obstetrician says, "Talk to him closer: he's deaf!"

Baby

A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging, “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says, “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.