daughter:where was i born Dad:Alabama daughter :that is nice mum:We have never been to Alabama Dad:RUN
I said to my pregnant wife push darling , come on push harder dear , no she wasn't giving birth the bloody car would not start .
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
De-calf-inated
I have a daughter she’s a fan her name is penny..... fan she was born on the mountain pen y fan I adopted her because her mum fell of the cliff after birthing penny. It doesn’t matter really penny’s mum wasn’t a big fan of her anyway
When I was born the doctors said , “it’s a boy!” Then when they went to cut the embilical cord, they cut the wrong thing. Then they said , “OH, It’s a girl.”
Everything is made in China, except babies... they are made in Vachina.
A momma cow and three baby calves are on a farm. The first baby calf asks the momma cow, "Mom why is my name Rose?"
The mom responded, "Well you see, when were you born, a rose petal fell on your head."
The second one asks her, "Then why is my name Daisy?"
The mom chuckled and simply replied with, "When you were born, Daisy petals on your head."
The last one said, "DUH DUR SURH!"
The mom said, "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!"
a Woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby, and throws it, smashing around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
Your Birth Certificate is an apology from the Condom factory
After a long labour, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news, and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first doctor”.
The doctor replies, “We’ll, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair”.
Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news”. The doctor replies, “He’s dead”.
Why can't you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday.
What looks like peanut butter and jelly,and makes a woman scream? Afterbirth
What is it called if your mom does not make it to your birth... an abortion.
What is similar about the feelings of a girl's birth daddy and her new pimp daddy?
They both worry about how she will turn out!
(This isnt a joke)
There was a homeless family in need for a room. But, The guy said no more rooms because they were Homeless......... So, they got into a barn..... And, the mother gave birth to a young healthy boy. And, Before you say anything bad to a homeless man, That little boy was born on December 25th. Guess who it is.
JESUS CHRIST!!!!!! STOP HURTING THE HOMELESS PEOPLE AND START HELPING THEM!!!!!!!!
My dad told me that his dreams were shattered a few years ago.
Then I asked him how many years ago.
He replied with, "When were you born?"
What do you call a baby that came out of their mothers womb? A VIRGIN
Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what their doing and the father says: "Well...We're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon. The next day when little Jonny's father comes come Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" HIs father is confused. "What do you mean?" He asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"
What’s the difference between you and Jesus? Your parents remember Jesus’s birth date.
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is okay to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
