Beverage jokes
What's the difference between the milkman and my dad?
Nothing, they are both one thing except he never returns with milk.
(I've been eating cereal with water COMBINATION!)
Liam Gallagher went into a café for a cup of tea. The assistant asked him if "he wanted a roll with it."
I like my coffee the way I like jokes about my coffee, I don't.
I go to the shop and buy 2 pints of kimo.
The only doctor you have is Doctor Pepper.
A hand of Pepsi murdered a Coca Cola. An innocent Sprite yelled, "Quick! Call Dr. Pepper!"
Eventually, a 7-Up called Dr. Pepper. The Coca Cola was fine.
You know where I get my soda? Mini-soda.
What did the orphan say to his dad last?
Please get non-fat milk!
What do you call a sad coffee?
Despesso.
Why do vampires drink blood?
Because they can't drink Bloody Marys because they are vampires.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Little Johnny is smokin' hard, The sun looks like Mountain Dew.
"You’re the milk to my cookies."
What do you get when I get mixed with coffee?
De-presso.
Drinking coffee when you're anxious is about as effective as using gasoline to put out a fire, but slurp slurp guess who's an anxious bitch who never learns.
Chuck Norris orders his coffee black, without water.
Champagne
Depresso Exspresso let's be friends, please.
Your momma so ugly, when the Kool-Aid man burst in the door, he said, "Oh no!"
What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? -- Tequila Mockingbird.
I wanted some breakfast, so I grabbed some Life cereal.
I poured it, but lemons came out. So I said, "Well, when life gives you lemons!"