Why did the hipster burn his tongue?
He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
What do dogs drink? Pupsi.
What soda do dogs drink? Pupsi.
I made someone a PB and J sandwich... they died.
Did you know ghosts are alcoholics?
They only come out for the boos.
What was King Tut's favorite coffee?
De-coffin-ated.
My hips can't move, but Heineken.
One day me and my friend Howard the duck went into the bar. I ordered a drink. Howard told the waiter to put it on his... BILL.
My mom walks in a bar and the bartender says "water?" saying "we only sell beer!"
I got a job at the can factory, but it is soda-pressing.
So a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and he asks the bartender for a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink.
Q: What’s Homer Simpson’s least favorite style of beer?
A: Flanders Red Ale.
In a normal country, they have lemonade. In Soviet Russia, they have Leninade: "Refresh yourself with a cold war."
I like my coffee like I like my women.
Big tits.
The baby water bottle said to the mommy water bottle, "Mommy, I lost my teddy bear." The mommy water bottle said, "Why don't you RECAP on what you said?"
What does a kid and wine have in common?
Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.
I like my lovers like I like my whiskey, 12 years old and mixed up with coke.
What did the cookie say to the milk?
What’s up duud?
Russian, American, and Polish stood by the lake shore.
Russian ran ahead to dive and yelled "vodka" and the lake changed into vodka.
Polish ran ahead to dive and yelled "beer" and the lake changed into beer.
American ran to dive, slipped, and said, "oh shit."
Q: What do you call a sad soda?
A: Soda-pressing.
