Best jokes

I don't joke about 9/11 because I lost my dad. He was the best pilot I ever knew.

What's the best part of a terrorist on Fourth of July?

The finale.

I went to my sister's room one day. I saw a trophy, so I asked my sister how she won it. My sister said the neighbors gave it to her because she gave out the best hand jobs in the neighborhood. I guess my sister put her hands to good use.

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

I don’t know, flags big plus.

What’s the best part about having sex with a pregnant woman?

You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.

A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" After that he joined the Army and learned to say, "Yes sir!" After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, "Goody-goody gumdrops!"

A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows:

Policeman: "Who killed the man?" Foreign man: "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" Policeman: "Did you kill the man?" Foreign man: "Yes sir!" Policeman: "What did you use to kill him?" Foreign man: "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" Policeman: "You're under arrest." Foreign man: "Goody-goody gumdrops!"

I tried my best to think of some puns, but I'm gonna have tibia honest: I don't have any puns left, but I'm pretty sternum, so I'll think of a few puns here and there. It took a lot of spine to do this.

My crush's best friend came up to me and called me my crush's dog 🐕, so then I say, "Wow, you're an ass for calling me a bitch." He then looks at me wide-eyed, and I just walk away.

What is the best Catholic dating app?

Grinder.

I was sitting in class, and the teacher said he wasn't disappointed in me and my best friend, but not so much in me.

I looked at my best friend and said, "I'm a disappointment to the teacher, too."

Hello, I am School Shooter Memes. For the last month I made School Shooter Jokes on the site, so now I want you guys to vote for the best one. It will be in a quarterfinal format with the 8 of them being the most liked. I will link all of the polls in the comments so make sure to vote for your favourite joke.

My best friend is black. It really pissed me off when my mom sold him.

What's it like to have the best daughter in the world? You'll have to ask grandma!

My uncle died on nine eleven... he was the best pilot in Iraq.

Should I kill the main character's best friends in my book? It's an autobiography.

What do you call a grown up with your sister? Your best friend.

What's the best part about getting a lap dance from an Asian woman?

Her eyes are so narrow that she can't see if you don't pay her.

"9/11 was not funny; it was plane wrong because my dad was the best fucking pilot in Jeddah."

What do you call a kid named Caitlyn?

My best friend.

What is the best feeling for an orphan when he plays Grand Theft Auto?

When he is wanted!