Best jokes
My best friend said, "Can you put your dick in me?" I said, "Can I cum in you?"
A blind pilot walks into a plane waving his walking stick.
The passengers all look at each other in disbelief. The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,
"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the captain is legally blind, but rest assured, he is one of the best pilots in the world with over six thousand successful flights."
Next the co-pilot makes his way to the plane, and he is also blind and uses his walking stick to make it to the cabin.
The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,
"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the co-pilot is also blind, but rest assured, he is the second-best pilot in the world with over five thousand successful flights."
At this point, the plane begins to take off from the runway. As it gains speed, the passengers grow tenser. The plane keeps accelerating more and more, and as it approaches the end of the runway, it still hasn't left the ground. The plane is approaching the end of the runway at high speed, and the passengers scream, "Oh my God, we're all going to die!"
Suddenly, the plane takes off and begins its ascent.
The pilot turns to the co-pilot and says, "The day they stop screaming, we're screwed."
"North America, best America."
Q: What is the best Disney character?
A: Toe Mater.
If it is someone's birthday, say this for a joke:
"A long time ago in a far away galaxy...
YOU WERE BORN!"
joe mama roast
What is the best thing about gay people?
They're gay about being gay even though they're gonna get shot in the USA. Wait, that rhymes!
"9/11 was not funny; it was plane wrong because my dad was the best fucking pilot in Jeddah."
What's the best way to get an emo out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
Dad: My kid just said "butch," but since he is a kid, he said a bad word on accident.
*The next day*
Uncle: F*CK!
The best thing about an orphan? They don’t have to suffer from "your mama" jokes.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous, aka cashews.
What type of fish goes best with peanut butter?
Jellyfish!
What’s the best thing about midgets??
They don’t need to bend while giving blowjobs.
Best thing ever right here.
So, there is this app on your phone called ringer. Go into it. There is a 12-15 digit number. Enter that into my phone, my dick will get 12-15 inches longer.
The best quote by Kim Jong Un:
"Meeting girl in park is good, but parking meat in girl is better."
Timo Werner is the best striker in the world.
A delivery service called “Ross Deliveries” was known to be the best in town. They never got anything wrong. One day, Rachelle got a delivery, but when it arrived, it was all broken! How is this possible?
I never said which delivery service she used. Lol.
What's the best thing about 23 year olds? There are twenty of them.
Where is the best place to eat tacos?
In the Gulp of Mexico.
So my ex, who wouldn't leave me alone because she thought I was the best person in the world even though Will has a better haircut than me, but anyway, when we broke up she said I was the worst person she ever met, and I told her she looks like a cross between a beaver and a mole rat.
Then I told her she has the Wendy's logo haircut and then some other things I'm not gonna say. 2 years of bullshit, I was done.
Anyways, she cried lol.