Best jokes

I love it when cancer hits like a ton of bricks. The best part is when it kills people.

POV: Wine Taster in hell.

I was sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. This silhouette begins to speak, "You have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. Then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. Your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. How do you plead?"

The man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit.

"Guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like? I will take any punishment you deem fit."

"Very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request."

Out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. The boy says, "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." The boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, taste like chicken."

Two guys were on a hunting trip, and after the first day of hunting, they didn’t see anything, so they decided the next day they would split up and meet back at the fire at dinner time.

After a day of hunting, they meet back at the fire, and one hunter asked the other, “How did your day go?”

The one hunter said, “I had the best day ever! I went down the hill and hunted by the train tracks and saw the hottest chick ever. We had sex for hours in every position you could think of.”

Then the other hunter asked him, “Was she a good lookin’ blond?” And he said, “Oh, I don’t know, I didn’t find her head.”

What is the best part of a turkey? The drumstick!

I thought I had the best K/D ratio in my fighter jet on Battlefield, then I heard about Mohammed Atta.

Which is the best sport at making fat people lose weight?

Canned hunting.

Nun's worst holiday? Norfolk.

Nun's best holiday? Bangkok.

Are your forehead and your hairline best friends because they look like they go way back?

For me, the best part of depression is remaining charming around strangers but saving the misery for the ones who love you.

Germany is the best!

I don't joke about 9/11 because I lost my dad. He was the best pilot I ever knew.

Why are emo kids the best jumpers?

Because they never fall down.

Stephen Hawking's best subjects were Physics and Maths. His worst was P.E.

My grandpa was in 9/11. He was the best pilot.

What is Stephen Hawking's best side?

The left.

Me: *opens a bag of hot Cheetos in class*

All my friends: Hey bro, can I have some?

People I don't know: Please lemme have some. PLEASE, I'll be your best friend!

People I say no to: (⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)

What do you give a dog with a fever?

Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog!

What is the best way to make a leaf?

Go down, back around, and stir up a tree. Make it spin, watch again. Oven baking, ding, we're done!

Hey y'all, you want to read something funny? Then look up "Greater Tuna" OID and read the script. It's the best. I'm performing it for an OID (Oral Interpretation of Drama) and it kicks ass. Check it out. Also, the name I'm using is my Roblox Username. Friend me.

Best chick ever.

Call me at 6969696969.